I dont ever talk about this realy...to anyone, only online i guess u can say. Im Mike im 19 from Philadelphia, and my whole life at home was so fucked up, My step mom would pick on me so much it got to the point where i didnt want to get food in kitchen cause i heard her footsteps upstairs. My dad never saw it he was blinded by her, he was basicly whipped. when i turned 17 my 18 yr old step brother died of lukemia. Shortly after that she couldnt stand my presence at all she would tell me to go upstairs when she was downstairs. Well now my step brother died im 17 and now she told me she dont want me to live home anymore and my dad fallows through with her plan with a smile. Now i have been living out of a suitcase for the past almolst 2 years now. I live in the Neshaminy Inn a dirty hotel for 25 dollars a day. I actualy found a needle under my bed. But anyway One day i applyed for CHI instatute and out of my father's wife's spite he told me he will stop paying for my motel and im going on welfare because i applied at CHI...so now i blew my computer dream career of network administration. I live here in the hotel with my computer, no money and an access card, I havnt eatin in 2 days now I cant use my card at wawa or any convienient store around, they dont accpet them, So now im so hungry and been through so much shit at this point i feel as if my body is naturaly trying to self destruct. I want to rest i dont want to die but i do, I been reading the bible in tears every night for a year praying for just a sign, and still i sit here this very day and cry wishing i had a family to live with. I dont know what i did to these poeple, I just wana end this shit so i can show my father life is more precious then what he thinks life is... I WANT HIM TO READ IN THE PAPER, MIKE R FROM NESHAMINY IN DIED AT 19 YEARS old i want the autopsy report to say died of hunger. I seriously thinking about going back to my house and shower in gasoline, and light up a last smoke and sit there infront of the door, but doesnt that sound childsh? Death for me is near, i can see the signs all around me. I always thought suicide was for the WEAK, not now that i been through all this shit. I think suicide is an option but ur verly last option. And i think i have rached it.