I have nothing

[memyselfand1]

Hi All

I was wondering if anyone can help me out as I am really struggling with an anxiety issue that is really impacting on my life. I am really struggling with going out to social places, meeting people and it's definitely impacting on mental health.

I grew up with not many friends to really be with for a very long time, I went to different schools, different colleges throughout my childhood, teenage years and beyond. As a result, I never really had established friendships. I then had decades of people giving me fake numbers, not answering calls and not wanting to meet up with me up and I spent most of my life isolated with only penpals, books and the internet for company.

I became quite depressed as a teenager, and in my twenties and it was when I particular event happened did my depression really come more apparent.
At the moment, I am really struggling with trusting people as I know I have been messed around a lot for over 25 years.

I have no desire to turn up groups, hobbies and interests simply because they I don't want to hurt anymore and emotionally I am exhausted with it all. I am starting to think that life isn't worthwhile and there's no point in me being awake anymore as nothing gives me pleasure or enjoyment.

I have tried going places but my anxiety just gets too much for me and I end up just walking out or turning up half way through if I can be bothered. I end up thinking I am better off safe at home on my mac where I have ultimate comfort, control and security.

 

[Petal]

Hi there yoyo, sorry for the late reply. I just want you to know I read your post and we are very alike, my laptop is my best friend lol Going out just doesn't seem worth it but if you keep going it eventually gets a litte easier. I hope you can get through this difficult time and remember you are not alone.Do you have any friends now?

 

[Whateverx]

imo you should go to 'themed' meetings, like art group. There's usually positive vibe there, ppl are friendly, you have common ground and you can focus on activity you love and are good at, instead of making up conversation starters and being judged for your lack of sense for fashion or whatever nonsense commoners busy themselves with.

 

[memyselfand1]

To make matters worse everyone is constantly rubbing on how well they are doing at brick university and my cousins are all reaching milestones that i would dreamed off getting that cannot due to health problems.

The truth is that I am 30 year old woman with a life a ten year old. I haven't reached any normal milestones, my cousins went to university at 18 and I was nowhere near doing a-levels and never passed my GCSES. My brother drives a car, has long term girlfriend and she's beautiful, he has lovely owned house and full time job and i haven't. I am stuck doing voluntary job (I hate) I am stuck with open university.

I have tried not comparing myself to others but its so obvious that I have completely different lifestyle to me.

 

[memyselfand1]

I am alone, no one wants me i feel worthless

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Milestones.... its a goal they set in life there is such no thing as normalcy what expectations are or is supposed to be such as college, working, relationships. It is your own life and don't compare yourself to others. Make yourself a list of what you want out of your life such as trying a new adventure or new food to eat every month even exploring a store you haven't gone into. Running a mile in a certain amount of minute. Reading books, watching a movie marathon back to back. No interest in anything is a sign of depression.

My goal today is to smile and laugh at least three times.