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I have now completely self destructed / self sabotaged

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#1
I have slowly but (and the last one killed me inside because the feelings for this person was off the scale) but bar one person that only wants to keep me going I have pushed every single person in my life out and not just out but unless they are intelligent (which the last one actually is ) they will never understand self destruct / self sabotage, the last 2 are the wrong way round but I guess it does not matter I knew the last one would be the one that pushes the button, and i pushed her to do it, she fought it but now its done, inside im devastated, the other guy who is totally understanding and trying to save me can't.

So if anyone here knows about self destruct / self sabotage right down to the level i have reached please speak, i was of fear, the fear now has turned to anger, and Friday the fear and anger should be gone and then it is just willpower to finish I need.
 
#3
Im done I can say everything and anything , im gone, my head has gone. I can't be saved, just interupted, if interupted then it will have to be a impulse decision. I am in constant fear of being abducted I can't live this way anymore
 

Maniae

Well-Known Member
#4
Im done I can say everything and anything , im gone, my head has gone. I can't be saved, just interupted, if interupted then it will have to be a impulse decision. I am in constant fear of being abducted I can't live this way anymore
You can be saved. And we want to help save you.
You are not alone & together we can help each other.
 
#5
Andy, do you have a therapist or psychiatrist that you can confer with? An acquaintance of mine had a constant similar fear (in her case, the KGB was listening in on her and following her) The correct medication helped her get to a much calmer state so she could enjoy life. Don’t give up. I’m sure others on SF can identify with you so stick around.
 
#6
When the wifi is cut ...how can you help me ?

You can't, once the cut im gone, ive lasted a day longer than i expected and I did a cry for help today, which has kept me in the game , come tomorrow i so long as i am not abducted tonight then i have 2 real options, one is return to UK and get help, or at least get to the UK border in France, the other is ping ping pong,

Its obvious I am to scared to go.
 

Here2Listen

Well-Known Member
#8
Hi andy andy,
Its good that cried for help. I hope you are still there. Who is going to abduct you? Is this real? I have been to places where abductions are quite common, third world countries. But is can also happen in Europe and USA, depending on what kind of people you encounter. Self-destructive people sometimes feel trapped but do not want help. It is hard to fig your way out by yourself, you need a voice to call you. If you can get help in the UK, I hope you get there. Whether you fo or not, keep in touch, bud.
 

Mr 2004

Well-Known Member
#9
I 've also pushed most people away. They might not be happy about it but inside I tell myself it's for there own good to just forget about me. I don't know how I can help with your specific situation I'm afraid. At the risk of sounding like I'm making these threads about me I'm really just trying to let people know I'm in the same boat. I think only those of us at rock bottom can understand each other
 
#10
When the wifi is cut ...how can you help me ?
Is there a particular reason why you think your wifi will be cut?

You might be able to get internet access through a public library. Also, if you have a laptop computer, lots of restaurants, coffee shops, and other places offer free wifi
 
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