I have one month of classes left and it seems like an eternity

I knew it would be this way when I signed up for the semester. I knew I would struggle to go to class every day because of the depression and anxiety. But I promised my mom that I would...and I had to keep my promise. I'm already way behind on getting my degree and really need to move it along, but I just can't go any faster. I need a break after every semester. I can barely make it through the semesters without wanting to quit. I get good grades...A's and B's. And that's because I don't study. If I did study, I'd get straight A's, but I just can't seem to crack a book open and pay attention to it because of what's constantly going on in my head. I have a month left and then I'm done the semester. Then I have to take a break during the summer and go back during fall. But I used up all of the days that I could take off already for one reason or another. If I'm absent one more day, I get dropped and I fail. But I don't know if I can do it...I don't know if I can force myself to go during the entire month of April without taking any more days off, while feeling like throwing myself under a train every single day.

 

hang on in there- you can get through

 

Have you considered dropping out? Have you talked to anyone within the college about the situation truthfully?

 

All I've done my entire life is drop out. I dropped out of high school. I dropped out of college once, then dropped out of technical school, and quit like 5 different jobs. I can't just keep running. I have to do something with my life...else I'm a failure.

 

may i ask what is making you feel like this?? do you feel like talking about it?

 

The fact that I have school tomorrow and I'm sitting alone in the bedroom drinking alcohol and typing on a forum because I feel like shit How can one deal with that and having to wake up for school the next morning for another month?

 

Have you thought about what support the college could offer? I'm sure there's some level of pastoral care - don't give up, your grades are good - with the right help you can do this...*hug*

 

but is there a core reason for you're depression? like loss of a loved one, family problems or something like that? if not and you're just suffering from general depression then i'd say there's no reason at all for you to end your life!! go seek help and get things back no track

 

There is no such thing - depression does not need a core reason, it is indiscriminate in that it is an illness

 

thats not 100% true! i know you dont need a core reason for depression and it's a mental illness, but for many people depression is "event triggered" and that is true.

 

The core reason is that people have treated me like shit my entire life and I've come to hate humanity.

 

I guess you just have to take it one day at a time. Sleep plenty.

Really inadequate advice, I know.