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I have planned my death!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by timeflies, Mar 1, 2009.

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  1. timeflies

    timeflies Member

    I am soon going to be dead. I will leave behind 5 kids and my fiance (or ex) depending on how she feels about it at the time. I have a plan and I think tonight is the night. I am afraid that if I wait too long then I will change my mind. I am going to drive into the country and find a secluded place and complete. I hope that I suceed and that I am not found until I am dead. I do not want to be found and then revived only to have to try it again. < Mod edit Hazel: Methods > After it burns for a while it gets easier to drink larger amounts. I will have ot write a note with some basic instructions on what she's to do with the bills, etc. Other than that just have to pick up two 40's today and go for it. I hope I'm not freaking out too many people on this board but writing it out makes it real. I am determined and resolved. Thank-you for reading.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2009
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Timeflies,

    Methods aren't allowed to be discussed hun :hug:

    Do you want to tell us why you are feeling this way?
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Hey Time,
    Welcome to the forum. I'm sure you are not freaking anyone out, most of us have been where you are now at some point.
    I am sorry you feel like taking your own life is the only option right now, but believe me it's not.
    You haven't said why you feel like it, do you want to tell us?
    You mention your children, have you thought about how they will feel?
    I hope you reconsider :hug:
  4. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    You said you wanted to do it soon incase you change your mind... if there's a chance you'd change your mind then I don't think you should do this :sad: Especially as you said you have 5 kids and a fiance, have you talked to her about the way you feel, or maybe a professional?
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Please don't do that to your kids.

    It will permanently damage them forever.
  6. timeflies

    timeflies Member

    I have had numerous problems throughout my life the most glaring of which is alcoholism. I had been sober for 9 years and decided to drink again. My fiance is leaving me and I will not face dealing with the issues again. (we had preiously separated before) I am in too much pain to continue on and I know that suiciding out will immediately stop it all. The only thing I don't want is for a stranger to find me, only the Police as they are trained to deal with it. My plan is to get to the point where I'm close to death then I will call them and give them a very broad idea of where I am so I can get that 2-3 hours of alone time so that I will certainly be dead after. I do not want to be found and revived because I will try it again, very shortly after.
  7. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    and leave ur 5 kids to live with the shame of their dad killling himself? have u ever thought about their future? You will end up destroying their lives and making them live with the stigma of their dad killing himself. Think and think and think again. Alcoholism is an addiction but you can try to drink less each week. Think of your loved ones. Think of the consequences.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2009
  8. timeflies

    timeflies Member

    I have a few things to do today. First plan out where I'm gonna go so I can't be found. Maybe write a few notes so that my financial affairs can be taken care of although that might not be necessary because they'll figure it out, won't they?
    I'm home with the three youngest today so I'll get to spend some time with them and my son is coming home from his mom's tonight so I'll see him and my oldest daughter is coming over along with her brother so I can say good-bye. I just don't want to have a break down in front of them and scare them. They'll have enough to face soon enough. It'll be better if I just go away and then they can be told that I just fucked up and drank too much. That should cover them thinking I suicided out.
    < Mod edit Hazel: Method >
    I'm scared but feeling more peaceful than the last couple of hours.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2009
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    To be honest, it sounds like there is something inside you still fighting t live. Do you want to talk about why it will be today?
  10. timeflies

    timeflies Member

    Why wait. My fiance has told me to not touch her, not visit her at work (no, I haven't been stalking her...lol) and I do not want to be alone which is what I'm facing. All hope has vanished. I wish there was a hotline that couldn't trace where you are. I tried my local number and the girl let it slip that if she felt she had to they could find me. I just want to talk completely honestly and not have the police come and 'rescue" me. I DON'T want to be rescued. I'm in Canada...any international numbers out there?
  11. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Do you want to talk on here honestly? You could try e-mailing the Samaritans in the UK, not it's not the same, but may be something? http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone/email.aspx

    As for Canada specifically, does this help? http://www.befrienders.org/helplines/helplines.asp?c2=Canada

    Why is it you feel all hope is gone? What would happen if you were to get sober again?

    You say why wait, but why do it today? You lose nothing by waiting, but potentially, if you do it today you could miss out on a lot of things. You're not going to lose anything by hanging in there, but you potentially lose a lot by doing it today.

    Equally, your kids stand to lose a great deal too.

    Have you thought about seeking any professional help in any way?
  12. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    You can chat online with a volunteer at http://youthinbc.com/. Please give it a try! They are really helpful, and may help you see some options you haven't considered yet.

    They are unfortunately only available from noon to 1 am PST.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 1, 2009
  13. crazychris

    crazychris Member

    Hi OP. Think of your kids. They're your reason to continue living. I feel suicidal every minute of every day but my 13 year-old daughter is keeping me here at present.
  14. timeflies

    timeflies Member

    I do think of the kids and how fucked up I am and no doubt the next relationship I get into I'll not be a very good role model. The funny thing is is that one of the local poice forces might hire me. I'm just waiting (or I was waiting) to see for sure if they'll hire me. I went through everything, interview, plolygraph, psych test, physical. The only thing left is my background and I have a decent background so I'm alsmost guaranteed to be hired.
    The pain is just too great to think beyond it and now I'm excited that I am almost done my plan. I'm not going to write a note, just make one quick call so she know where to find my bank information so she can pay some day to day expenses until the insurance/pension money comes through.
  15. timeflies

    timeflies Member

    countdown is now about 6 hours or so...I am so relieved. Thank-you all for sharing and offering alternatives. It's very much appreciated.
  16. Nazza

    Nazza Guest

    You know what....
    If I knew I could stop my dad from Killing himself, I would of. I found his body.
    I am near tears typing this. It is not finding his body that hurts me the most.... It is that he missed out on my kids being born and EVERYTHING! He use to drink, he broke up with his Mrs. He was a beautiful man. Had a hard life. BUT.... I loved him just the way he was!
    I had my father-daughter quarrels and stuff with him, but I loved him so much.
    He is now dead. I was 17. It is his 9th anniversary on the 18th of this month and not a day goes by when I dont feel useless that he isnt here in my life.
    I need my daddy. So much. Your kids will know you killed yourself IF you do and I HOPE you reconsider.
    I can understand the pain you must be in, seeing it in my own father's eyes. BUT I HATE HIM alot for leaving me! I think if he really understood the impact clearly he wouldn't of left.
    Do you really want one of your kids to be typing this about you? My kids ask for there pape all the time and I go thru it over and over.
    I miss my dad so so badly and will NEVER heal!
    If you want to PM me, if it will help, please do.
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2009
  17. timeflies

    timeflies Member

    hello this is trents wife he is missing we are trying to find him, please reply if you have any information that may elp us find him
    Thank you
  18. Nazza

    Nazza Guest

    I really hope he is ok could you please keep us informed.
  19. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I wish I could have been online over the weekend. I dont know if I could have said anything better than anyone else....but his situation is almost identical to where I was just a few weeks ago..and even 6 months ago!!!!

    God I hope he is ok. If he has passed, Lord please take care of his wife and children and family.
  20. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    That makes two of us. :(
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