You may remember me as the guy who took over XXXX and was caught, then was sent to a psychiatric hospital for a week. After the first attempt, when I was getting my stomach pumped, I was thinking, "Oh boy, I'm never doing this again!" That was very temporary. For those of you who don't know my story, I grew up always ignored, always being covered up by some sort of stereotype. Yes, I know every stereotype in the book. Now, I think I have realized my problem, I think my problem was that I was always too smart. I always grew up around adults, I always knew how to talk to adults since I was 5, but when it came to kids my age, it was so awkward and nothing ever made sense. I was a baby genius, I spelled the word "commercial" when I was like 1 or 2. In kindergarten, I was forced(?) to read to the class because I was the only one who could read. Even though I was very smart, I was very loud, chubby, and obnoxious. I couldn't make friends, I was just so socially stupid. I used to believe in miracles, until I realized that life is just randomness and luck. I grew up, I'm 18 now, I moved to a different city, and I became a huge nerd, but I'm still socially stupid. It was just last night that I went from an Agnostic to a full blown Atheist. No God would make a shitty world like this. I don't believe the whole, "Everyone is here for a reason" bullshit, everything runs off pure dumb luck. My first suicide attempt was the dumbest thing I've ever done. Not because I was trying to end my useless life, but because I tried to do it while a parent was home, being my mom, who caught me. My parents were the reasons I went to the hospital without resisting, I couldn't of asked for better parents, but this time, as much as I love them, have to leave this shitty planet. Then there was girls, I was always horrible with women, always. I am very embarrassed to even bring this up, I don't know of any other male who's been worse than women than myself. Every time I look at a pretty girl, all of a sudden my self-esteem just plummets to rock bottom. Yes, yes I know... "You can't love someone else unless you love someone else". I've heard this bullshit over and over again. The thing is, I will never learn to love myself, I am on anti-depressants, but they don't help one bit. I don't think I'm all that ugly, it's just that... I'm just not a special something that a girl would want. If you recall my older posts, I stated that a girl I liked for a very long time, just all of a sudden in love with my best friend, I am still messed up by this! Another thing, I can't stand this fucking city I live in! It's the most stereotype'd fucking place on the planet! WHY! Why are you girls so obsessed with druggies? Why are you so obsessed with fags with long ass hair but are dumb as shit?! Maybe it's me... Maybe it's my fault for not being "Mr. Cool"... For my 18 years of being alive, everything has been backwards and illogical. That won't matter though, because I won't be here to witness that bullshit anymore. I wasn't gonna get anything out of this world anyway, so, I'm leaving it. This time, I'll commit suicide the RIGHT way, and do it when no one is around to stop me, and I won't use pills, I'll lop off my right foot. Oh yes, I will end in bloodshed. I don't know when I'm gonna do this, but I will eventually, and it will be very biblical. It will probably be the most attention I will have gotten? Enjoy your backwards world, with your backwards ways, everyone's a popular type, with your sexy bodies, and your false hype. I'll be spending my days in infinite darkness, because heaven? That's just a dream... I'll always be invisible, even when I'm dead.