I have so much hate

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Britt.woodman, Jul 29, 2013.

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  1. Britt.woodman

    Britt.woodman Member

    I generate this hate towards myself lately,, i want to start therapy up again,, its been 5years but i dont know where to start? Im afraid talking things out will make things worse, but already i am having those terrible thoughts where i dont what to be around.. I have a 7month old daughter with my bf of 5years.. Work, and my relationship with him isnt making me too happy. I think they would be better off without me. Hes not taking me serious that i need help, i like to be alone lately. I feel like a ticking time bomb
     
  2. Pertokeyo

    Pertokeyo Banned Member

    There's a natural fear that talking won't help because you worry about being misunderstood. Is there any real reason why your boyfriend wouldn't listen and try to help you? It's obvious he's chosen to have a baby with you because he thinks you're special. He may understand more than you think, and I hope he does. Try to create an opportunity to tell him how you really feel about yourself and your relationships. If there are any misunderstandings, don't let them frustrate you.
     
  3. Britt.woodman

    Britt.woodman Member

    When i try talking to him it doesnt end on a good note,, somewhere in the conversation the word psycho or crazy is mentioned, therefore i will explode and not talk or eat good for a few days, it gets me that upset and made attempts in the past and i just find myself wanting that escape. I think about not being around ALOT
     
  4. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    You must not give in to contradictory thoughts or negative thoughts. You said that you wished to go into therapy again, so even just thinking that, it shows that you know it will do at least some good, so while not everything is pleasant to talk about or experience, you must look at the positive effects that going into therapy again can do for you. Obviously I do not know in any detail your relationship with your boyfriend or daughter (although I would assume that with your daughter, nothing is transparently wrong), yet all of these fears and doubts you have, about your daughter and boyfriend and making things worse with them... Why do you not just give it a go? Even if it is just for one session? Give yourself a feel of what it will be like to talk things out with a trained professional and if you feel comfortable, then continue going.
     
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