I have some pain I need to vent a little

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by robroy, Oct 13, 2015.

  1. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Hey no need to respond tonight to this post Im going to bed soon anyways but I would appreciate some perspective if anyone has the time tomorrow. I'm in a lot of pain from being shunned by close friend/house mate and I feel like we've been growing apart for a while to. I feel really out of place here at college and amongs my friends. I've felt out of place my whole life wherever I was and I'm starting to lose hope I'll ever feel okay.
  2. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    My sociology professor told us the other day that we internalize other people's views of ourselves at a young age and we mold this into our ultimate identity. Well everybody around me as a kid, since kindergarten let me know that I was different. I was never bullied, I was the class clown since kindergarten and and was always generally well liked, but I would never call myself popular. People called me weird or a freak or anything else that sent the message that I wasnt one of them, even if they did like me around to make them laugh. When I got to high school there were people who wanted to hang out with me and even some pretty girls who wanted to date me but I was terrified if people got to close to me they would see through me and find out what a loser I really was. I guess it became a self fulfilling prophecy, and to this day Ive never been in any sort of relationship, or even been physically intimate with a girl. This doesn't bother me as much as it used to but it's hard not to feel like there's sometthing fundamentally wrong with me when all these friendships, relationships, and hookups are happening all around me. I feel like I'm lacking certain basic social skills that all my friends just seem to have and I cant help comparing myself to all the happy seeming people around me who are going to parties and tail gaiting and I just can't seem to figure out how to be happy.
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Robroy, Hi, I am sorry that you feel that way, I would like to say that from the first time I/we connected on here, I felt a warm positive person, I never had anything even remotely negative from you! You exuded a Positive feeling, I do not think it was forced, I do not think it was faked, I am not sure but I have not seen you crack a joke, I would not say that you were weird a freak or anything of the kind! you are giving others here help, offering good advice you do it in a positive way as well. I will go so far as to say you will be popular here if you are not already, more so then I am, you do it with a light touch, I like and respect the way you talk to people in here, from the very start almost you have reached out a hand to others, never hesitating to speak your message, saying what you felt inside, you have done the same thing all your life, you brought laughter an jokes in primary school, in high school you saw a difference, I am so sorry that you thought you were a loser, you could not be further from the truth, they were reaching out to you because they saw inside of you! I feel that you were standing out and they felt that. we often can feel things like that in other people
    but we cannot see it in ourselves Robroy keep up the good work man! Feel better about you self You are a good man ! A Real Good Man! I hope you can sleep well tonight!
  4. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the kind words Leigh, I really appreciate it. I know now that im not broken, I just have social problems and self esteem issues that sort of feed off of each other. Im working on being more genuine in my day to day life, it's just since as long as I can remember I've been painfully shy but I realized I was funny and so I clung to that and made that my only focus because it was the only thing I could think of to make people like me. I guess I wore the mask for so long it became my face you know? Anyways I don't make a lot of jokes here because I'm not good at it online and I'm trying to practice being genuine. My default state has become clown and I think it's keeping me from getting close to people so I'm basically trying to erase and redo my whole personality, getting rid of the parts that are holding me back and holding on to the parts that help me.