i have that feeling again

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by morfea, Nov 19, 2009.

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  1. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    for the past 10 months, after 20 years it's back, every 2 or 3 weeks, lasts a few days, a week, then it stops and comes back again, loneliness that's ripping me apart, pain, burden, crying, just don't want to live any more, can't take it any more,
    there's a thread here that says all we really want is to stop feeling pain, well yes, that's right, but after half a lifetime of suicide attepmts, thoughts and plans i guess some of us are just not meant for life? i mean what's the point, ever since i can remember i wanted to die, as a little girl, back then i thought life is a dream and i'll wake up one morning, taht's what i want, wake up from this nightmare that lasts so long, no meds, no doctors, no beliefs can help in days like these, and i know they will pass but i know also they will come back again, that's what i cant take any more, after so many years it's back, when i thought i got rid of it, it's back and it always will be
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hey Ana, you've just got to get through these dark days - if it's cyclic, and you know it will pass soon, hang in there - keep talking to us here, don't stop reaching out, we will help you get through that tearing loneliness. And maybe the more you talk and get a chance to sort things out, the less often the darkness will come? :hug:
  3. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    thank you Tam, I'll give it a try, i must try something
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Well how about talking some more on here, about what's going on in your life, things that make you feel like this? Maybe you have already in other threads - but there's nothing wrong with repeating stuff, in fact I think the worst bit is where you tell your story, and then feel like oh I've already talked about that, can't keep talking about it. On the contrary! That's what can help. How about it?
  5. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    Tam im sure i said it already, no meds work for me, taht's my biggest problem, always been at war with pills, the rest is nothing special, i actually have no special reason to feel this way
  6. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Oh sorry. :sad: I thought maybe it would get you through the dark feelings if you were able to just talk about all of it, not necessarily having to come up with a specific reason. I guess I can only say I'm thinking of you, and hope that makes you feel just a little bit less alone :hug:
  7. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    oh no, i thank you, geez i dont know how to speak when im like this, im sorry,
    to me its most difficult to speak when i feel the worst i feel like such a jerk now
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 19, 2009
  8. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    I think I know exactly how you feel :hug: I know what I want the most is for people to mind read, ask me the right questions that will let me talk. It's just so hard to suddenly blurt out everything. But if you do feel like you can, know that there are people who want to hear.
  9. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey Ana! Sorry to hear you're doing badly my friend.

    I'd just wanted to tell you that even when it seems nothing good can come out of life, sometimes good things can come out of the most unexpected places and gives a good reason to leave. Most of us are used to getting bad suprised handed over by life, but life also delivers good suprises, so it's important to keep a fighting spirit and don't give up, because we never know when something that'll give us more than a reason to keep going will pop up.

    It may seem like I'm just saying some random stuff just to try to make you feel better, but this actually comes from a person who's having a good time because of a very sudden and good turn of events :)

    Keep posting and keep faith in yourself and your worth. I'm sure your happiness is out there waiting to be found :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 19, 2009
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey i hate the dark days meds new ones out there brand new maybe talk to doctor. The darkness will pass until then stay here talk with us stay where you feel safe okay take care.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Ana,

    I can certainly relate to your post, I think loneliness is one of the worst emotions :(
    At least you're not alone here :) Do you have any friends in real life? :hug:
    Keep reaching out.
  12. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    Thank you for your replies, it's really good to be in a place like this.
    Although I have a few friends in real life, actually a very good one, I can talk about anything with her, she doesn't understand when I get like this and I can't blame her. If I try talking to her she doesn't know what to say and then I feel even worse, so I've stopped.
    It really takes one to know one, like Tam says, in the worst moments I expect mind reading instead of saying what bothers me. Raising two children and taking care of my parents who are both sick all by myself, and the situation at work has become very difficult, no job is safe. It would all be much easier if I didn't feel so lonely, I've always had overwhelming need to be with someone on one hand, but on the other, I'm not easy to open up and accept people. Social anxiety is a problem I have made some progress with, but as years go by I feel it's very small.
    I've never had a chance to talk this openly, and even when I did, with pdoc or my friend, I feel ashamed, as if I should be blamed for complaining while I have all the things necessary for decent living.
    Thank you for trying to understand and talking to me, it means a lot.
    @Pedro, I'm happy to hear you have good news.
  13. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

    I wish I could say something to comfort you. You've been there for me for a while. I just want to say a big thank-you and I love you to bits Ana :hugtackles: Keep sailing :kris: , you'll be at the shore soon.
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