I have the chance today.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AsphyxiateOnMisery, Nov 16, 2011.

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  1. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    To kill myself. My husband left some heroin at the house before he went to work. He texted me that he was worried about me and that he left it there by mistake. Of course, I calmed him down and said I wouldn't use it. But I really should...it would be so easy. When will I get a chance like this again? i have an option today to be rid of my pain.
     
  2. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I think you both need to go to the doctor and get off the smack coz your never gonna know if you could've sorted your life out with that stuff coursing through your veins. I don't think you really want to kill yourself today,I'm sure theres always opportunities with heroin lying round the house. You need to get help.
     
  3. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    It never lies around the house like this. Wherever he goes, he takes it with him. And getting off of it, isn't my main issue. I can get off of it. Its being miserable and wanting to die that I can't stop.
     
  4. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I understand what your saying but I honestly don't think your giving yourself the chance of anything else coming right for you while you use it.
     
  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I used it BECAUSE nothing was going right in the first place
     
  6. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    So today is my first day off dope again and it sucks. We're going to an NA meeting tomorrow. I have my psychiatrist in about a week and I'm not sure what to say to make him see that I'm doing really badly without going overboard and making him commit me. I still want to die really badly. But part of me wants to get my college degree and then do it the day after just so I can prove that being successful won't help me love life
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi,

    Good luck at the NA meeting and well done for admitting that you have a problem. I know life without substances can seem boring and the days long but you can get through it, find new ways to occupy your time and mind.
     
  8. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I can stare at my shoelace for the entire time I'm high and have a great time. When I'm sober, no matter what I try to do to entertain myself, it doesn't work. I could be at the amusement park and still be bored to hell. So yeah, it is hard. And as far as I saw at the first NA meeting I went to, it probably won't be helpful to me. All you do is share stories, and I can't even do that due to social anxiety. Although, I was high when I went, so I enjoyed it at the time. I won't quit going though, because my fiance needs it and if he stops, I can stop.
     
  9. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I've not taken heroin but I do have an addictive problem. I've mainly used weed and alcohol through my life to self medicate and make my mundane existence half bearable. I've somehow reached a state now where I don't smoke weed anymore and I limit myself to getting semi drunk about three times a week. Life is not any more bearable than it was but I do have more clarity and more energy for day to day activities. Im really not sure if I'm gonna be able to attain a life worth living but I think I have half a chance if I wanted it. I understand the bliss of being stoned and cushioned from the harsh reality of life but it's just a mirage. As you know when you come down reality starts to fade in and eat away at you causing you to chase that next high. I hope you can keep strong and have a go at getting clean,it's no certainty that life will be any better without drugs I know. On the flip side I think on reflection it's a certainty that things will not get better while your using. I think I'm rambling but I hope you can catch my drift. Take care
     
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