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I have the feeling....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KK99, Nov 24, 2012.

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  1. KK99

    KK99 Active Member

    I honestly don't where to start...

    Well, the least I can do is summarize a little of my past.

    I've had OCD and depression for a long time, ever since I was little - They started getting bad about 3 years ago... I've been admitted into the psychiatric ward for those two things. I am currently on medication & in counseling, and just joined this forum.
    Also, since this plays a pretty important role on what i'm about to share, I'll add that I am very into the paranormal, and I have been for almost all my life - I've done EVP's, contacting spirits & etc.

    Anyways, before the last time I admitted myself, I was very, very close to taking my own life. Now that I think about it, it's scary - I actually felt numb to how my death would affect the people around me...

    But what was really strange is that there was...a being, something that was anticipating my death, as if it was supposed to happen. I felt that it had been with me since long before my first attempt, and that beckoning feeling...it would've been it for me if it weren't for my friend coming into my room...
    I could feel it waiting. I couldn't see it or anything, but now I think that awful things are going to happen if I don't go soon - to me and/or my family.
    I feel like I have to leave...I feel like there's something important I have to do that cannot be accomplished here, in the living world, I guess...

    But I also have this feeling that I've lived many times before, and since I have, it's affecting my body & mind. I feel lethargic, and I feel like I've experienced many things before; I am also very claircognizant (I end up just 'knowing' things, like knowing what a sun dial was or a lilac bush was even though I've never heard of such things in my life!). I need a lot of stimulation in a day to keep me from...well, being terribly bored.

    I don't know if any of you can relate at all, but I assure you, I'm not psychotic, I've been taking my meds, and I haven't been drinking/doing illegal drugs.

    I mean, I'm not sure if there's any advice you guys can offer, but I refuse to go back to the hospital, unless I feel that I have to. :(


    I'm only 18 years old, but I feel like I'm 80, and I'm tired of it. And something wants me to end my life.
  2. M1000

    M1000 New Member

    I have been suicidal on and off since 1979. That is 32 years. I have made multiple attempts.

    You havent put in 'the time'. That is almost twice the time youve been alive.
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