i have the means now just to find the right time. I have tried coping as best as i can but when you dont have the professional help that is needed it isnt easy. Why is it so fuckin hard to get the help that is needed without attempting to take your life. That is about the only way i will get the much needed help. I know people here have been trying to help me and i do thank you for that. But i am beyond help i figure, i am just a spec of dirt on this floor we call earth. So please dont try stopping me there is nothing that can be done, my mind is made up.