i have the power

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Aug 26, 2012.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    No one in my real life or here can stop me
     
  2. OCD

    OCD Member

    Stop you from what?
     
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know I can't physically stop you. But I hope you'll stay and talk. :hug: What's going on?
     
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I just lost lust for life i m bored i m dead and just seems i m treated that way.Life has also taken from me just dont care lost all value
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know life has taken a lot from you. But you have your kids, and they need you so much. They'll never stop needing you, and they're worth fighting for.
     
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    fight fight fight blah over it. go back to work gav yeah done it.Sleep no pain yeah fucking had it
     
  7. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    dont get life
     
  8. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member

    Gav

    what you say is so close to the truth except you dont see the strength in knowing also that no one can make you do it either.... you have the soul power to stop this we can and i will support you in having such power to stop... just cause it is hard to hang in there i so want you to succeed in having the power to stay
     
  9. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Sorry i know i have great ppl for support kids etc i cant like life i hate the same crappy routine day after day weekend after weekend and yes i do try to change this but it is same boring cycle then shit like my cat being mauled happens or ya loose someone or daughter gets abused fuck me life really does suck cant cope with it much more
     
  10. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    who the fuck am i
     
  11. champie

    champie Well-Known Member

    Hi spidy, I know we haven't "met" before here in the forums, so I'd like to say "Hi" (twice apparently).

    Probably like many others here, I share your sentiment in that I don't get life either and I'm not sold on the "fight, fight, fight" mantra either. So, I'm trying to figure out if the fight part is what's part of the problem. Is there some wisdom in the concept of non-compliance with the game? Is there a way to avoid the fight while making an effort to improve our own thinking, to regain authority over ourselves? What does it take to extricate ourselves from the brawl?

    I ask these questions because it seems obvious that me, and maybe you too, we are going to lose if we keep playing this game. I don't know if any of this helps, but it is good to meet you :)
     
  12. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member

    i guess i see all that and the sameness to each day

    but ok i dont know whats going on but to me those reasons can be a reason to stay.... the cat doesnt know whats going on but the daughter you have needs support at some point either now or much later..... not sure here but you cant have a later or anything involving the cat now.... if you get to upset to it all

    sounds to me like your list of whats up is a list that is confusing cause it can also be taken as staying list not going list?
     
  13. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Hey champie my fight has been going on for over 20yrs just have had enough now.Suzy great to see ya well hey i so pleased to see someone who doing it hard to be back and give support.Me i m dead and to be honest i have know way out i dont get whatppkl want or who i m meant to be.As my kids go too think ive failed as a dad aswell ive tried is all i could have done time too check out
     
  14. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member

    thanks gav...

    yes life can be hard.... not again going to say it doesnt matter about what your children think cause you feel bad on the account of their thinking anything.... that failure thing that they are thinking someday they wont remember cause life happens and they will forget as they worry what other's are thinking.... your children are not at the point where your limitations become their limitations.... see why i see that you are more important than anyone else cause i cant slip into their head tell them the future change their thoughts and feelings so they know what tomorrow might be like for them and you.... fighting is good if that what it takes

    but leading life knowing you feel this way every time... and knowing you are still here ready to work it all out for yourself... knowing you're are important even when you think you are not

    Gav, they are outside of you thats why they can judge as they cant see your thinking... as much as who are we to say they will aways be thinking this way... this is all a moment to get through find that out then hope this moment is the last one that feels this way.... that this is the last time you feel this way.... see its important for your list to be confusing and your thoughts to be promising for tomorrow
     
  15. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I m trying to be the right person i m back at work and all that crap yet every night now i m n pain physically and mentally just not coping putting more stress on me yet i push not to let others down dont know how long i can keep this fakeness up
     
  16. champie

    champie Well-Known Member

    spidy, I don't want to be intrusive, so if you are just looking to vent I won't hassle you. If you are wiling to chat a bit in this forum, I would enjoy the conversation. What are the momentary glimmers in your life? What's it like, in the best of times, to be a father?

    I'd rather be dead too, and it's a real struggle to remember the best moments in my life. If nothing else it is probably worth giving them a few thought cycles every once in a while.
     
  17. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member

    well, as you said its truly "fake".... and you then go back to the confusing part ..... its is both fake and since you know its fake that makes it also factual

    you are lost trying to make things they way you want them to be

    so having a job you know is good and you want to work that out but the pain of working hard then coming home feeling upset makes the job harder work

    so what happens is eventually things change but it takes time to see what you are living up to is the need to get through all this fakeness and get to the real part

    supposably this isnt the only job you will ever have but this job is here and its not that great... on top of that it doesnt make you today feel that great each day when it ends

    at this point, i think i can say fake is good if you know its fake then you are living in whats real

    to me you explain it well but to me it seems like trying to work is getting you down

    i wish so much for you gav.... since you can see everything so well.... your inner thoughts of drastic step are so sad at a moment when you know you can act through all this and no one will know but you tell us and we know

    that its hard and its fake

    maybe you can see how its you that needs to continue on.... it would mean not thinking that its all bad

    its hard but its a thing that will pass to other things in life you need and working towards works for you
     
  18. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Ya said it well Suzy but for me to late i m the clown and its the clown within that destroys i have no control which is what hurts me
     
  19. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member

    no not too too late

    "clowns within you" are not that powerful either if its you that have the power.... do give away the one thing that power does for you..... its says life is silly and the clowns should be laughed at

    time is in your favor right this moment you just called them "clowns"

    do not think the moment has pasted (really there is 2 spellings for passed) we are in the now we are not past it yet

    you need to stay here and there is power in knowing that

    there are all sorts of powers around you

    and i will tell you about them as i already tried... others are also willing to talk so posting helps Gav

    stay safe Gav
     
  20. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Not clowns its the clown inside me i cant stop only way is to end me
     
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