I Have This Really Bad Habit...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moses, Nov 6, 2011.

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  1. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    I have this habit that in calm, happy moments, I immediately think, "what the hell does this matter? would it matter if I died right now? Because I think I'm okay with that." In those moments, I just sit back, look up and think about how trivial it all is. Nothing I do in my life is going to make a significant impact on anything or anyone. My death will not disrupt nature. I'm purposeless. I'm like the 5 lbs. of styrofoam and 3 sheets of bubble wrap that comes with every mailed package: extraneous and unnecessary. But it extends beyond me. Nothing anyone does ever will ever matter. The world is doomed anyway. It's going to burn when the sun explodes...unless humans destroy the planet first. We're all just trying to make the best of a dying world infested with mistakes of the past and those to be made. I'm not saying I want to die right now, but I'd be okay with it.

    Anyway, I'm just getting pissed because I keep having these thoughts when I have a peaceful moment. It's like I can't get away from myself. I wish I wasn't so cynical. I keep fucking making myself crazy and I can't stop. I just keep thinking about how pointless this whole thing is.
  2. Msirae

    Msirae New Member

    I know exactly how you feel. I always hear people say that meaning in life is to be made by ourselves, and I used to think how stupid that sounded. But to some extent it's perfectly accurate, I don't know why but human beings always try to look to the stars, look beyond what we know, we aspire for things that are almost impossible and we always look to the future not the here and now.

    The truth is if we look to things like the meaning of life or our existence on a large scale we will only ever be disappointed. I think we should start looking toward what we can realistically attain, a bit of happiness in our lives is realistic.
  3. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    i think the same things. but what i've realized is if i change the way i think away from "what's the point? why should i continue to live?" to "I have one life given to me. it's my life. i am going to try and enjoy it. what do i have to lose? we're all going to die one day. none of this will matter then. so i might as well live my life now." I am FAR FAR FAR from changing my thought process to the more positive (sorta) one, and still struggle with reasons to live. CBT would be useful here, if only i had somebody who could teach me or make me go through it.

    where did we go wrong? how did we get to this point? and what do those happier people do differently?
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I can relate, it still takes me some effort to brush it off. I say it matters because I am aware of my existence. If I was just living based on instinct, then it wouldn't matter.
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