I have tinnitus.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Hotaru, Mar 8, 2016.

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  1. Hotaru

    Hotaru Member

    Tinnitus is ringing in the ears. It's my worst possible nightmare. I thought I always took good care of my ears. I never listened to loud music, went to very few concerts with earplugs, and didn't wear headphones at all.

    December first, I finished tapering off Zoloft 50mg after 9 years. I thought I didn't need it anymore. I was so happy. Also, I wouldn't have insurance coverage for a while, so I thought it was time. A week later, I get earwax buildup and went to the doctor for irrigation. It was a procedure I had gotten many times before, but this time, it gave me an upper respiratory infection. I went to a different doctor and they prescribed me antibiotics and ear drops for an outer ear infection as well. A week later, I started to hear ringing in my infected ear. A few more doctor visits, a few more prescriptions of steroids and antibiotics, and the URI wasn't clearing up. Most of these visits and drugs were uninsured. During this time, I also developed interstitial cystitis (bladder pain caused by acidic foods), something I believe was being masked by the Zoloft, as I started to have symptoms of it while tapering. I could have lived with IC. I could have dealt with that on its own.

    But tinnitus... it is the absolute worst thing anyone can have. There is no cure for that or for IC. I'd easily trade it for a terminal illness. It has been three months, and it has not gone away. I was recently part of a clinical trial for an injection that is said to cure - or at least lessen - tinnitus, but I'm pretty sure I got the placebo. Now I'll have to wait 90 days for the trial to be over so I can get the real drug, but I don't know if I can wait that long. I've already waited three months for tinnitus to stop, and it shows no signs of ever stopping.

    My dreams are ruined as well because of this. I wanted to be a voice actress, but my voice has been taken from me because of my utter despair of never having peace. I have a boring temp job. I hate it. I hate everything in my life. Yet I don't seem to have the guts to end it.

    My parents are saddened by me. They are the only reasons I haven't ended my life. I'm 26, yet I have the medical issues of a 60-year-old. I wish for death, every minute of every day. I ask that I get in a fatal accident, someone murders me, or the IC turns to cancer.
    Fading_Awayy likes this.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum @Hotaru Thanks for sharing your story with us. One part out of your post struck me as a ray of hope, was that you can get the ''real'' drug for tinnitus after the trial is over. At least then you will know if you got the placebo (hopefully you did) or got the correct drug. I really feel for you, I cannot imagine having to live with that, it must be unbearable. I will keep you in my thoughts as I lay in bed tonight and please know and someone (even if I'm a stranger on the internet) cares about how you are suffering. I wish you all the best ((hugs))
    CandleLight likes this.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi and welcome. I can relate to some of what you're going through, because I've had bouts with tinnitus too. Mine isn't constant; but when it happens, it's hard for me to figure out how I'm going to keep going when all I can see to focus on is the sound in my left ear. Most frightening, for me anyway, was night, when it's quiet and I was trying to sleep. Sometimes masking helped... a white noise machine or apps on my phone that produced sounds that slightly masked the tinnitus sound.
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, welcome to the forum. Ok, you are suffering medical issues but with the wonders of technology things can be overcomed. You need to keep posting as you know we care about YOU. Be strong my friend.
  5. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    I've had chronic tinnitus for 6 years, and I'm almost 21. The ringing was quite insanity inducing at first, but it's gradually lessened. Nowadays, I rarely notice it, and it's probably because it's become a norm for me. Nonetheless, it's still there, but it's tolerable. I figure that's not exactly what you want to hear, but I hope this is at least somewhat alleviating. I doubt the ringing will be that intense and noticeable forever. I haven't used any drugs to reduce my tinnitus, and I'm not discouraging you from taking the drug, but with time alone mine has lessened. I mean, I could probably take a certain drug to reduce it some more, but I'm not feeling too hasty anymore.
    CandleLight likes this.
  6. PhiloJoe

    PhiloJoe Member

    I am sending my best wishes to you. You are only 26, so even though your feelings and outlook are dismal now, time may allow for science to catch up soon and you can also look for a more challenging, interesting job. I understand where you are coming from, so know that people are keeping you in their thoughts.
  7. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry you're suffering so much because of this. I'll send you lots of *hugs*

    Tinnitus is very common actually, though it's awful. I am happy you can get the drug! (I didn't know there were drugs even!)
    I've had tinnitus since I was around 10 after several ear infections... at first it was really awful, I described it as having a whole construction site in my head. I don't know if it's gotten better or if I got used to it, but I am living with it. Sometimes it gets worse and I get 'reminded' of the condition. You can get used to a lot of things with your hearing as it turns out.

    One a bit 'weird' thing I find helps me when I get the bad attacks is to put fingers in my ears, that makes the sound even louder (yup, that sounds counter-intuitive as heck) after a while when I remove my fingers my brain is tricked to think the ringing has lessened. I don't know if that works for you...

    Don't give up all hope hun. And another positive thought, sometimes tinnitus just magically goes away.
    CandleLight likes this.
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    I dont know which is worse of two worlds...permanent silence and the world of schizophrenia. I am cursed with both. I walk both Sidesand know the constant ringing, the constant singing the cacaphony, that constant humming ...its maddening then all of the sudden its all gone for a fleeting second then it comes back crashing all over again. And yes I am profound . What a hypocrisy life has thrown me. Think I know what you are talking about with those noises. I just know my emotions make it worse
  9. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    I am saddened to read of your struggle with tinnitus. I am hopeful, though, that the other folks who shared their own experiences with tinnitus are offering some encouragement. I truly wish you good health and recovery. I have to get some serious medical tests done so I feel I can understand a physical problem being just one more thing you don't need! It's frustrating, to say the least. I am glad you came here to share.
  10. Hotaru

    Hotaru Member

    But the drug only works on tinnitus that one has had for 1-3 months. By the time I get the real drug, it will be 5-6 months old. I thought about acupuncture, even asking a healer in Africa for help. But I'm very skeptical. I was fine for a few days and my T was less, but now it's loud and I am in despair once more.
  11. CandleLight

    CandleLight Well-Known Member

    Hotaru, I just wanted to write to tell you I am sorry you are experiencing severe tinnitus right now. I send you warm thoughts, I hope calming music or making art or something (?) can offer you some relief. We will be here to listen/ read your words.
  12. bobbob

    bobbob Well-Known Member

    Hope you are doing OK today. There are a few of us from TT here I think (though I'm using a different name). I am here because the tinnitus went quickly from moderate to (hear it loud over pretty much everything) severe; and it has pushed me to the edge. Cant relax, cant sleep, driving family crazy. Just got in froma walk in the woods, which I used to love above all else, and now it is tainted/ destroyed with the screeching T noise.
    But I have noticed that I am starting to habituate a little bit. I hope u hang on in there and start to get more used to it and achieve what you wnat in life (as far as T allows).
    Best wishes
  13. Hotaru

    Hotaru Member

    I tried two healers and got first round of acupuncture. I feel no different. I still feel suicidal and have no hope for the future. Also, TT doesn't work for me for some reason so I can't talk to my friends there anymore. I can't talk to the people who understand.
  14. bobbob

    bobbob Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear how bad you are feeling at the moment. Being in kind of the same boat, I'm not well placed to provide a great deal of positive thinking. But I think that, like me, your tinnitus is pretty recent. I just hope that we get used to it and get on with our lifes. Wishing you all the best.
  15. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    While waiting for the drug therapy and working on the tinnitus you really should consider treatment for the depression and mood- physical issues often exacerbate depression and take things from being difficult to the "hopeless despair" and "unlivable" that you feel now. You could improve quality of life by treating the depression while still working on the tinnitus.
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Part of dealing with tinnitus has been trying to work through the panic I feel when it gets bad. When I hit that point of despair, where I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next several hours or days while my ears are ringing or beeping, it seems to get worse. If I find ways to calm myself down, distract myself temporarily, sometimes the noise lessens or I forget about it. So I do think treating other issues could be beneficial.
    Why is TT not working for you, what's happening? I actually don't know what it is, but am assuming it's a site or community for people dealing with tinnitus.
  17. Hotaru

    Hotaru Member

    I don't know. The website (tinnitustalk.com) just stopped working for me. All that happens is a swirling circle and it never loads, or sometimes it does but then I can't click on any of the links.
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Can you use a different browser? Or possibly clear your cache and cookies, then try again? All things you may have already tried, but just tossing ideas out there.
  19. Bananaconda

    Bananaconda Member

    I have the same problem as you have, because i fell asleep next to the speakers at a party when i was 17 xD Both of my ears are ringing really loudly and i never seen a doctor about it, because i don't like doctors. Now 15 years later it's really loud and getting worst year after year, i can hear that most of time when i think about it, but my mind is erasing this sound as long as i don't think about it.
    bobbob likes this.
  20. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I checked the website- it was working fine for me so I would suggest following the suggestions above if it was a god support for you. While I am glad you found us here, it is never good to lose a supportive place if it can be helped.
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