I have to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by _Lily_, Mar 16, 2014.

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  1. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Am finding things hard my husband sits next to me while he is on his pc am off to bed but av got my phone with me I don't want him to know how. Bad I feel
    My husband is getting an op to stop us having kids. It was ment to be done on thursday but they have had to put him to sleep because of where his tubes are
    He has to wait 2 months before he will be seen. I feel that I have to let him do this because this is what he wants to do
    I can't have the pill or any other ways to stop me having a baby apart from condoms but they keep breaking and I have to go and get the morning after pill and the people in the chemist say we have to do something other than condoms. This I have to say yes to it
    It will be my last chance to have a baby as am 37 now. My husband was so upset that it didn't go a head I feel like am just being selfish. Its got me feeling suicidal because I want to be a mum but there is no way I can look after a baby when I can't look after myself on my own
    If I kill myself my husband don't have to do it and he can marry someone else who can look after his baby. I have to die
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I understand that you think you should not have children. I felt the same. As did my brother. But that does not mean that you should die. Suicide has a much greater impact on those left behind, than we realize. The people who are left behind do not recover from it. Especially if it is a parent or sibling or spouse. I am sorry if this causes you to feel guilt, but I am going to ask that you not cause this kind of pain to a parent or husband.

    I am so very sorry for the pain you are in. But please do not condemn those you love to a life of grief and pain. Even if you think they would only grieve for a short time. It does not work that way. Sending you :hug: because I do hear the pain you are in
     
  3. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    me and my husband talked we have got until the appointment comes through to decide what we want to do
    I know that my mental health could improve with in the next few years ... my OCD is really bad nearly had a break down on the bus today because there where too many people there around me... i hate people touching me the other week there wasa women who saw me getting up from my chair on the bus and she was going to touch me and i shouted at her i dont like to be touched my husband said sorry and the women was fine about it
    then the week after i was at a shopping centre i sat down on the ground and a unwell man had a go at me
    my husband has to come out of the shop and chase him away he had a support worker with him but the support worker didnt get him to back off he just stood there
    so am scared of people even more now
    its should take about 2 months before he gets the letter for the op again ..
     
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am really sorry that you deal with OCD. Fear of being touched. How are you working on it? Please dont answer that if you feel incomfortable doing so. Just curious if its both therapy and medication. People can recover from OCD. I hope you recover and then can be the mum you so much want to be !!! I really think its very possible.
     
  5. _Lily_

    _Lily_ Forum Buddy

    Am on medication for the OCD but am also waiting for therapy i been waiting on it for months and no letter from them
    my psych is chasing them up
    My medication went from 4 to 5 50mg pills but i started to get tics so i had to drop it again
    i see my psych again in 3 months i have yet to make an appointment with my dr
     
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