I have to die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 47x, Sep 17, 2011.

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  1. 47x

    47x New Member

    Well hello people. As you read in the title this soon to be suicide attempt is not based upon the felling that I want to die, it's more of a "I have to" feeling and also maybe a bit that I wish to die. What is my problem then you might ask. Well, it's really something that most people, the normal ones anyhow, don't see as a huge problem. I have problems with my teeth, holes and shit. And no matter how many times I've fixed them some stupid fucking depression hits me and during those times I don't give a rats ass about my fucking teeth. I have an intense fear of people finding this out. I suppose this could be an excuse of sorts but hell it gives me a reason to go away. I long for death, where you just cease to exist, to hell with this world, I'd never fit in. It aches so freaking much and at the moment I don't have any money to fix my teeth problem. I know it could look like I'm overreacting on this, heck I probably am but I want out of this life so badly.
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Greetings. Many of us here understand what depression is like. Just letting you know that your voice is being heard. Pleased to meet you. ~ Alex
     
  3. IWantToBelieve

    IWantToBelieve Active Member

    Hi,

    First of all, I'm sorry you are having problems with your teeth. I am sure it is a real problem. Bear in mind I don't want to diminish this problem that you have, but just put it into perspective.

    I can understand what you are saying. I don't think your teeth are the reason you feel like dying, but more something of an additional burden, or a justification that is allowing you to rationalize your feelings in a way that will justify your actions. I have done this myself too. Sometimes it can be something health related (like your teeth.) Sometimes can be another sort of life obstacle, something that seems so hard that it is almost unmanageable (like a very difficult move, a divorce, etc.)

    At the end of the day, based on my own experience, the only reason someone wants to commit suicide is because life is too painful and doesn't seem to have an object. When somebody is in such a weakened mental and emotional state, something concrete (like your teeth problem) can become the whole universe. By concentrating on your teeth problem you are begging for trouble, because:
    1. There doesn't seem to be anything you can do about your teeth problem right now.
    2. By focusing on this problem you are taking your eyes away from your other problems.

    I understand your frustration and your pain, believe me. I'm not saying what I propose is something easy to do (and I have many times fallen in the same trap as you.) All that I'm saying is that you need to jolt your perspective a little bit and see what comes out of it.

    As a last thought, sometimes I think about how other people deal with their own hardships when I'm feeling like cr@p about my own life. Recently I saw the news about Charla Nash, that lady whose face was ripped off (literally) by a chimpanzee. She got a face transplant, and wrote a letter thanking her doctors, friends, and the family of the donor, for helping her so much. Think about it, this lady doesn't have a face. No eyes, can barely eat, can't talk properly...

    Sorry if this strategy about thinking about other folks' problems sounds pathetic. I find inspiration in other's people's hardships, and how they respond to them. It makes me want to be more like them, if that makes sense.

    Take care, and talk to you soon.

    R.J.
     
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