I have to do it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fitzy, Jul 6, 2011.

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  1. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    The only way out that I can see is death. My life is one big fat fucking mess and I am so scared that I will end up on the streets. I have nothing to show for 52 years except a trail of debt and misery.
    I am worthless.
  2. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I was in the UK for a day. A beautiful country. I just heard on the radio the economic problems that UK is going through. I wish you get better. I don't know what else to say.

    I was angry today, but I don't have an economic problem. I suffer from bullying. Maybe, I should be more grateful that I don't have to worry too much about money.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 6, 2011
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    I have been on the streets, for more than a year and can tell you and every one else, that it isn't a lot of fun, but then, it also isn't as bad as what you think it is. Sure, the nights are cold and lonely, dark and silent, and the days are filled with endless thoughts of how you will go about getting your next feed or even just surviving until the next day, but what I learnt from my experience is that as long as you are able to draw in that next breath of air, you aren't doing as worse as terminally ill children, people your own age, the elderly, who are confined to hospital beds 24 hours a day, being fed medication on an hourly basis with nothing to comfort them except the grim knowledge that they have nothing in this world that is able to help them.

    52 years of life and misery? Wow, you have lived a full 22 years more than what I have, and if you have nothing to show for your life up until this point in time, then neither has anyone else. Sure, you probably aren't going to win a federal election and get yourself voted in as PM or president (whatever your country) and you probably will not be winning any scientific achievement awards or write the greatest novel in the history of humanity or even dive beneath the oceans and excavate lost-lost cities or temples from a civilisation unknown of today, but why think about all of the big things in life? It's the small things that count the most. If you have children and are a wonderful parent that they look up to you; help out one or more of your elderly neighbours when they need a hand around the yard or pushing a shopping trolley home; build a bird feeder in your backyard so you can admire the birds from the moment you wake up in the morning or even just finish an incredibly hard video game level that had you beat for months (yes, even that can make life meaningful for a lot of people)
    If you have money and debt issues - take action to fix it in your life, don't just complain about it. The same with feeling miserable all the time - you only make yourself worse when you think like that, so get out of the house, do something you always enjoyed that will put it out of your mind for a few hours. Because even a few hours of not having to think or worry over things is preferrable to always thinking and worrying about something.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know that you aren't worthless.
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Seems there are a lot of us 50 somethings feeling life is over :sad:
    Yeah life is a struggle, I seem to spend most of my time juggling money, but then so is most of the country :laugh:
    Debts are a pain, they scare the shit out of you, but as long as you make sure the rent/mortgage is paid, you'll keep a roof over your head, everything else will just have to wait.
    Got a massive water bill and freaked out, finally plucked up the courage to deal with it and the waterboard were only to happy to accept something in payment and bent over backwards to help.
    Everyone knows, including creditors, that times are hard.
    Get yourself down to the Citizens Advice if facing eviction, they really can help.
  6. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    OH Fitzy... a huge hug to you.
    You are NOT worthless, look at how kind and caring you are and have been on this site!!! You have given so much of yourself through your work in the past and all the people you have supported here!!

    You don't deserve to be suffering the way you are, what about your PDoc or G.P. ? Could you confide in them and see if they can refer you to someone for support? Please don't give up, I know from my Mum how she struggled at your age, but there is still hope for you, you know its the depression talking.

    Using your words... PLEASE "Start Dial-ling" now OK

    love and hugs Ditsy xx
  7. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I can't keep up with my mortgage and I have no job after working all my life. The CAB suggestion is a good one and I will explore it.
    I'm sorry if I'm moaning but that's kind of what depression does to you.
    I am trying to make an appointment to see my GP because I know I need help.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're moaning fitzy..you're reaching out for help and that's good
    I hope you find a solution to your problems
    please keep trying *hugs*
  9. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Thanks folks. I'm taking some baby steps to sort myself out. It's all so overwhelming but I just remembered something someone said to me a few years ago "How do you eat an elephant? Answer: one spoonful at a time".
    I'm also going to apply the one day at a time idea - I won't kill myself, just for today.
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Deep breaths and remember all is not lost even if the house goes.
    I lost my house when my ex sold it out from under me.
    Had to go into private rental accomodation, foul place, but it was a roof over our heads.
    Went on housing list and after 3 years Essex came up trumps with a rent controlled place :smile:
    Just like you, I've worked my entire life and have little to nothing to show for it, but we adapt and life can go on.
  11. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Life does go on. I will survive.
    I am made of rubber and I'll bounce back. Done it before and will do it again.
  12. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Yup, and here we all are to help :smile:
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    keep on bouncing fitzy..
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