I have never been so sure I want to die. I must survive for those in my life even though my life is over. How does one survive without hope? I dont want to be here anymore. I am losing my mind, my hair, my ability to function. Ive tried all the help and self help there is in the last 15 years but still every year is worse than the last. Survive, exist without hope, alone, isolated from the very people I am alive for. What life is this indeed.