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I have to go

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lelantgirl, May 31, 2012.

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  1. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    I have to go from this world...............mum died 3 weeks ago and I need to be with her.
    We were incredibly close, she was the one who cared for me for many years (I have many long term health problems/illnesses), she was my friend, my rock, always encouraged, supported and understood me, whatever happened.
    She got me through breakdowns and awful times through my life, and helped me when suicidal, we'd talk for hours................cancer stole her away from me and now have noone.

    Life has been very hard for me, ill since a teenager and had multiple abusers as a child, then abusive relationships, and relationships where got hurt alot, she kept me going and without her I'd be long gone.

    I HAVE TO GO NOW...............she would understand and would want me with her, she'd not wish for me to live like this without her.
    I am scared of suicide incase I dont meet her on the other side as people keep telling me its a sin and you live in darkness etc etc...............WHAT DOES HAPPEN?

    I have a sharp lancet here ready to cut and have stacks of prescriptions meds which would take me easily...........................

    The pain of losing her is so deep that can barely breathe....................I LOVE YOU MUM, I WILL BE WITH YOU SOON........................
  2. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    I've got it all ready...................now wont be long till we are together again................this life was never for me..............I either cut deep enough or swallow enough, and hope it works.
  3. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    The grief will pass, in time, please give it time.
    Do you have other friends you can talk with about how you feel?

    I hope you find the strength to get through this.
  4. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Windlespoons- noone seems to understand................just get platitudes and cliches.
    Been through so much in life but ALWAYS with mums support and love..............would've been dead long ago if wasn't for her..................nothing now and noone who understand me.
  5. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    She may not be with you in person, but she will always be where it matters, your heart. She would want you to keep going, to keep fighting on, she would want you to be happy, and to smile. No matter where you are she will always be with you, and you need to hold onto that. Death is final.
  6. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    I dont think she'd want me to keep going as she knew how hard a life I've got and we discussed it all many times and she understood about suicide and if was so desperate and unhappy and sad that she'd understand. She also said many times she didn't want to go (die) without me and dad. Dad doesn't believe in suicide but I DO and I know she's angry with me for not following her to the afterlife..............she must think I dont love her and let her go alone.
    I thought this forum was for suicidal people............BUT everyone seems keen on LIFE..............most odd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I can't imagine any loving parent wanting their child to die with them.
  8. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    This is a pro life forum, not to encourage suicide, but to help people see that suicide isn't an option. Its to get support from the dark place that suicidal thoughs and feelings put us into.
    I dont think she would be angry that you havent joined her, she would be happy that you have kept going, and if she was here she would be proud of you for trying.
  9. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    May sound odd to most, but SHE KNEW HOW TOUGH MY LIFE HAS BEEN and no parent would want their own offspring to be living a hell on earth.
    If I had a child who had suffered as much as me and she wanted to die and I was no longer there for her and she had noone then I'd be releaved she came with me in death to the afterlife.
  10. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Suicidal people use this forum and thought that more would be very low............like I am.............I just dont think anyone undertands me............and so hard to get points of view across.
  11. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    Suicidal people do use this forum, but will not encourage suicide, and more often it is those who aren't feeling low will help others who are.
    No one will understand you, (not in a bad way) because they dont know you, dont know how you are suffering or how you are feelng, and there is only so much that words can portray. getting points across is also difficult because sometimes its things that cant be put down in words, or described, or explained, but you should always give it a try.
  12. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, and I know how hard it must be...I've lost a lot of people in my life and I still haven't gotten over it. You need time to grieve...you shouldn't hurt yourself. I don't know if you have many people to talk to in real life, but you can talk to us here anytime you want. It's true this is a suicide forum, but it's a place to help people feel better, and I know that a lot of people here are feeling as low as you. We are here to support each other and we don't want you to hurt yourself. I hope that posting helps, if even a little.
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