i have to kill myself, the longer im alive the more im going to suffer

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fattybitct, Jun 7, 2012.

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  1. fattybitct

    fattybitct Account Closed

    i hate life. i haven't been happy since 1998, when i was 7 and that was only because i loved pokemon so much.

    i have no one. i've never had a friend or girlfriend. im too ugly and weird for anyone. everyone hates me. whenever i meet with family its always made really clear that im not a likable person, they all hate me so much. what am i supposed to do? why should i keep living when no one gives a shit about me? im a hopeless freak. i have nothing going for me, nothing. i suck in every way. im a miserable, bitter shell of a person. i have 3 moods, indifference, sadness and anger. i usually cycle between them several times a day. i get angry when i see women because they've always done nothing but laughed at me for being ugly and weird. if i see a girl with someone i get so angry and jealous. at 21 i should have madea friend or got a girlfriend by now, i havent so that makes me a freak. there's also literally every other aspect of life i've failed at. i suck i fucking hate everything.

    i have to end myself, it's my only option. im just going to be miserable my entire life if i dont kill myself
     
  2. Medusa.

    Medusa. Well-Known Member

    What about a hobbie? That might help finding people that enjoy what you enjoy then you would have something in common, that'd be one way to make friends.
    You're family doesn't sound very good.
    About the girlfriend, my last boyfriend he didn't get with me till he was about 26 I was his first girlfriend unforutnatly things didn't work out between us, but he is with another girl now, so when the time comes you'll meet someone.
    Please try to hold on.
    Also please don't call yourself a freak, you're not.
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...it seems you have been struggling a really long time...have you sought professional help to assist you? Often times, we are way too close to our problems to be able to solve them by ourselves...there is no shame in getting help...I know what it is like to feel like everything I do is worthless, and feel trapped...I hope you will consider that...and continue to post. There are so many ppl here who can relate to what you have written
     
  4. fattybitct

    fattybitct Account Closed

    I think I may be turning into an alcoholic. I haven't been sober a day in 2 months.

    I don't see a point of getting better tbh. There's nothing that can be done for me. When I said I have nothing I meant it. I'm hung like a child, you don't know how utterly hopeless that makes me. Its a horrible affliction. I'll be the butt of jokes for it my whole life. No woman could ever be happy with me. There's nothing to life other than friends and family. I can't make friends and I can't make a family. What's the point? I don't give a shit about anything else.
     
  5. fattybitct

    fattybitct Account Closed

    I don't know :( I'm stuck for answers. It's been like this so long I don't know why I should keep trying anymore. It's the same old shit, all the time. I'm batshit insane anyway. Im too messed up in the head to have any hope. I know the reason theres no replies to this thread because it's all true. Anyone can see that I'm better off killing myself.
     
  6. fattybitct

    fattybitct Account Closed

    Its for the best anyway. The best I could hope for is ugly children with a genetic predisposition to depression with a sexually unsatisfied mother. Not a life I want to live.
     
  7. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    Hi

    I am female and I get stared at, ridiculed and laughed at for the way I look and it causes me a lot of anguish too

    I have found that anti-depressants help me a lot in terms of coping with life

    I made the mistake of coming off my medication - which I keep doing when I feel life is going better but it invariably goes downhill again and I end up in a suicidal depression which I'm in now

    So I'm back on my medication and tryign to build myself back up again

    I would advise you to see your doctor to discuss going on an anti-depressant - they can help you feel a lot better about yourself

    I understand all the issues you are going through - I've had it myself throughout my adult life and I'm 46

    You are welcome to pm me if you want to discuss things further
     
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