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I have to make a choice -- asap

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AdvRider, Jan 18, 2008.

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  1. AdvRider

    AdvRider New Member

    I've had thoughts of suicide for the past 15 years. In that time frame I discovered my wife was having an affair, endured a very bitter divorce, had a child with a woman I was dating and then went through a legal battle with her over custody/visitation, seen my life savings vanish due to lawyer bills, father's death and subsequent anger issues, diagnosis of sleep disorders, weight gain, and laid-off from job in Oct.

    My shrink says I'm a mix of mild bi-polar, ocd and add so I take 750mg of Lithium each night before bed and a low dose of Effexor each morning. Higher doses of lithium were not good for me.

    I've not filed a tax return since '95 so I'm worried about the IRS.

    I've not been with a woman in 2 years; and have only been in a relationship and sexually active for 3 of the past 10 years. Now I don't date due to the IRS, money and being on meds issues.

    I rarely hear from my kids.

    I can't find a job and my money will be gone in 6 weeks.

    Here is the plan which I need to just agree with myself to do -- and do it.

    Pack my motorbike and head south from my mid-Atlantic east coast town -- I really enjoy exploring on my bike. Hit Nogales, AZ for a orgainzed 15 day tour through Mexico - ride up the PCH1 to Big Sur. Hang out with the spirit of Henry Miller until my money runs out. Mail a letter to each of the two mothers of my children asking them to tell the kids that I was hit and killed by a truck so they don't have any guilt issues. Then take my shotgun and find a beautiful cliff overlooking the Pacific.

    To me, this seems like a great way to spend the next two months.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2008
  2. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    It may seem so to you.... but I fail to see the "greatness" in your plan. If you're looking for a confirmation or something before you go, I don't think we're allowed to say anything like:
    "go for it dude" on this board. It would only be deleted. So much for that. Surely you don't want your kids to miss their father? If I had kids I'd stick around, if only for them/their feelings instead of bailing out on life. Hopefully this post doesn't seem too harsh.... :unsure:

    Welcome to SF, btw.
  3. Alastair

    Alastair Well-Known Member

    i agree with WMW however the trip through mexico sounds good
  4. AdvRider

    AdvRider New Member

    this community is apathetic and uncaring. i came here for help and find nothing. :eek:hmy::eek:hmy::eek:hmy::eek:hmy::eek:hmy::eek:hmy:
  5. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Well... some people get lucky with their posts, some not. It very much depends on who's here reading at the time really. After a day or two the posts have moved a page and not so many will bother backtracking to see it.

    Yours is also a tough one. I have absolutely no idea what to tell you, you've obvously been through a LOT, to say the least.
    I suppose if you stuck around and struggled to eventually gain control of your life again you could contribute to your kids lives a lot simply by being there for them. Life usually doesn't pass without conflicts and it's quite likely that they'll need you one day.

    It sounds like you could use that trip tho. How about you go for it and leave the shotgun at home. Maybe you'll be able to find a better solution to your problems?
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Being a Brit I don't really understand the USA tax system, but have you actually spoken to anyone there?
    If you are not working how can they expect you to pay tax?
    Surely if you are ill you can claim some form of welfare till you get on your feet?
    Go to a citizens advice bureau (no idea what they are called over there but have it on good authority you have similar) and find out where you stand on both the tax issues and welfare rights.

    I hope this desperate feeling passes and you find some legal help with it all.
  7. Shogun

    Shogun Well-Known Member

    This might not go down too well, but lemme give you some advice from somebody that grew up without a father.... DON'T DO IT!!!

    If you weren't responsible enough to use contraception, you should at least do the right thing and be responsible enough to see what you made through to the end. Your kids need their dad and you should be trying to build a way back into their lives.

    My father died when I was 7 in a car accident and my mother didn't have a clue how to teach me things that only a father could, now my life is a complete mess and I have no idea how to be a man about it and dig my way out. This time last year a woman I was seeing became pregnant and if she'd have kept it, there would be no way in hell I'd be considering suicide as an option, because my life would also belong to my unborn child. No matter how bad things got, I could never do that to any child of mine. Suicide shouldn't be an option when you have responsibilities.

    I'm just giving you some advice from a different perspective, you don't have to listen to me and I only say this because I care, or I wouldn't have bothered to type this out, I don't mean to sound harsh.

    You really should look into turning things around, you can do it, Terry above me has just given some great advice. Your shrink needs to know how desperate things are and if he/she does nothing, change shrinks. Things must change.

    Make the right choice!
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