I have to on up to my mistakes

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by motivated1980, Nov 27, 2013.

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  1. motivated1980

    motivated1980 New Member

    We met out of highschool I moved to another state with him. We have four kids. We been apart for 4 1/2 years. I left him three times n each tme was with another guy. He knew it I didn't hide it or care of his feelngs why? I stopped loving for him. He kinda forced sex on me when I was pregnant with our second kid. After that it was all down hill. I did him wrong watched hm cry. I watched my kids hurt but not on purpose. They hurt cause I left their dad. Now five years later I'm afraid my kids missed out on real famiy values and I'm afraid I ruined my life my ex life and kids my guilt is eating me alive
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There is nothing to be done about the past - it is gone and wishing things had been different does not serve much purpose. If you want to try to make things better with children than do so - slowly and at their pace - if it goes well then great , if not the you can still move on. Everybody makes mistakes, but in the end you make choices that work for you at the time you made them. Does not make you a bad person - just human. More kids grow up outside the traditional white picket fence fairy tail life than in it. I honestly think all would be happier if we as people did not perpetuate that lie of how things "should be" - it has no basis in reality. You do not love husband anymore- falling out of love is not a sin and does not make you a bad person. You have nothing to feel guilty for and if your ex or children cannot accept the you the way you are they are as much at fault as you . It is not your job to have spent a life pretending something was working that clearly was not. Instead of concentrating on the guilt spend some energy looking to how you could find a life that fulfills you and when you are satisfied with your own life you will be in a better position to try to be something more to others.
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi Motivated. I respect your honesty. I DO respect honesty. Owning up to mistakes is the first step toward forgiving yourself. I agree with what NYjmpMaster said. But I also want to add something else in. He forced sex on you when you were pregnant. That, for you, was enough to cause you to do what you did. Forcing sex on someone is pretty big. Pregnant or not. And for some people there is the added element of it being a huge trigger. You may regret how you handled things then. But I respect that you are wanting to work through it all.

    We do the best we know how to do. And then when we know better, we hopefully work toward that. Which is what you are wanting to do. Sometimes counselling can help with the feelings around it. So we can really move on to the next chapter in our lives.

    I see you are new. I am glad you are here. I think its a great community. Please feel free to post as often as you want. Here is where you can be honest, and not hide how you feel.
     
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