I don't know where to start because I feel like no one will understand anyway. I am sure everyone else in my position would be ok and just move on. So I have 3 gorgeous kids that through my hardest times keep me living but I also wish they weren't here so I had the freedom to kill myself now. I haven't been with their dad for 3 years and I live with my new partner. I am really unhappy though because I have three kids already he never wants even one child with me. I wish I was dead. I never imagined not having children with the person I was with. He is like we have your kids I am good with that but WE don't and despite the fact that he is not in their life they have a dad and its not my new partner and never will be. I love having kids and always wanted a big family but feminism has gone too far and now I am expected to want a career and other bull poop I couldn't be the least bit interested in so my choice is still being taken away. Having a child with someone changes the whole relationship it is just closer and I won't ever have that closeness in my life ever again. I am devastated and I just don't want to live anymore. My life is destroyed because everything I ever had was with my ex. All my happiness but he left and I wanted so much to move on and be happy but that's been taken away. I know no one will understand why this upsets me so much but it does. I have made my choice to get my youngest child who i s 4 to 18 and then kill myself. Every day I don't even think I can make it that long but I have to because otherwise my children will have to go with their dad and he will fuck them up. I wish I had never brought kids into the world when they have to deal with a mother men don't even want enough to actually want kids with her. I hate myself so much for whatever is wrong with me that makes men hate the idea of having a baby with me. I must be a disgusting person. I don't want to live anymore and put people through having such a disgusting person in their lives.