I have tried so hard to be positive which is certainly not easy for me. But I cannot think of anymore excuses as to why my life has been hell and is only getting worse every day. I am tired of fighting through the day to not do myself some harm. Tired of living in my make believe world because I have to leave it. I cannot drag myself out of bed because why bother?! Lonely and isolated with very little money, knowing that my father and sister only live a stones throw away and never speak to me and could help me out more. Why was I born? Why did I have to be fucking born? My mum loved me, well I suppose she did, she died nearly 6 years ago and my life's been even more hell since then. I have CFS, emphysema ( very mild), back problems and neck problems. I have panic disorder and cannot go further than about 6 miles from my home and only then if I am driving! My last holiday was 26 years ago!! I am suffering obviously with reactive depression too and I cannot think of one damn reason why I should stay around for more of the fucking same. I have been cutting my own hair now for 5 years as I cannot sit in the hairdressers, neither can I afford it! I have not had my teeth looked at by a dentist for over 25 years & they are bad and broken, yellow and disgusting. My gums are swollen and I have to be careful about what I eat. You know what I could go on but how fucking boring is this shit?!:sad::sad::sad::sad: Seriously thinking about it tonight. Same shit, different day, right?