I made a promise to myself that I would put an end to my miserable existence. I strongly intend to keep that promise. I don't know why I picked that day, it was just random. I've been planning it for quite some time now. I even did some reasearch on how to do it 110% successufly. I must have read about 213 pages. I have so many reasons that I almost feel like I have no reason. But I can't forget that there is no meaning to live and there is nothing to gain from living because in the end, death is the reward for all the strugles and pains. I've thought about family reactions and it does hurt me, but they're strong willed. When my father died when I was 13, I was the only one to cry. I have always been the weak emotional one. I have no goals for the future and I see no hope for the future. Perhaps they were sad too secretly but they have the strength not to cry controlesly. They have material goals and they are happy with them and I am happy for them. My goal is to seek truth and I don't think the truth lies here. When we die, do we go and live with our creator? or do we simply become nothing? I want to know, I can't live without an answer. This feels like the best decision I have ever made in my whole entire life. Everything on this planet just seems to keep getting worse day by day. I don't want to stick around and watch the world crumble before my eyes. I don't want to be part of anything on this planet. People are scary, life is scary, for what reason need I put up with it? I think 4 years is long enough for trying to be happy. I can't be happy knowing what I know and seeing what I see. It bothers me to know that I'm just a fragment of someone's/something's creation which appears to have been abandoned. I'm 15 years old. I hate it when people say, it'll get better when your older. What are the chances of me knowing the purpose of human existence when I'm older? What are the chances of the world suddenly becoming more peaceful? What are the chances that humans won't simply die at some point of their existence? I don't live for material, I want to live for a true purpose. Without a perpouse...........I don't see why I should exist.