I feel so empty, still. I found a letter with questions and dripping bitterness to my father I wrote back when I started meds, and never mailed it(forgot). I read it and cryed. for two reasons; a detailed rush came back and I feel exactly the same. Just as bitter, angry, lost and hopless. I still have all the "why's?" and i'm hurting still. I feel as though my childhood stopped years ago, I feel like i've matured far past my age. I am here for other people, I over think everything, I have learned to walk away from my sister and apologize whether I am right or not whether I think I had an attitude or not JUST to avoid upsetting someone and guilt that follows. This letter makes me feel awful. How can I feel the same? How can I have written every word then, today? I feel he ruined my family, he eternally scared us all. He's caused two children to die that intern bore two adults who've self harmed. I have his blood in me and I hate half of myself because its part of him.