I haven't cut myself in a long time, but...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Enceladus, Jun 29, 2008.

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  1. Enceladus

    Enceladus Member

    ... I still hurt myself in other ways. The most common thing I do is to take a lot of pills. Usually I take around 5 Xanax, along with a lot of the over the counter sleeping pills. I do it both to punish myself for all the wrong I've done, and to escape, too, because that many drugs puts me to sleep for a long time. I did it yesterday and slept for 16 hours without waking up once. I'll also sometimes punch myself in the head as hard as I can over and over. I've never knocked myself out but it's always been my intention.

    Can anyone else relate to that? Most of the topics on this board seem to be about cutting. I used to do that but haven't in at least 6 years. But is taking a lot of pills something other people do? I know it's not good for my liver, but I just don't care anymore.
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    I've done that before :unsure:

    And I know some others here who do it too, so you're not alone on that. Infact I did it just yesterday.

    But you're so not alone on this. And it may not be good.. But then why does it feel so good??

  3. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    I've been there too.

    I ended up taking 2 or 3 times the dose of (Drug name removed) on an everyday basis. And taking larger overdoses often.

    The small consistent ones were just to fuck up my liver. The larger ones weren't suicidal (Well, some where, but I'll ignore thouse right now, as, despite being the same thing, they were very different, if that makes sense?) I just liked knowing how it would make me feel. I became very familiar with how I would feel on them:first the feeling sick, then the stoumuch pains, then an uncontrollable shakeynees, then feeling sick again, and finally the lying down feeling absoulutly shit, but being so glad to be able to lie down.

    I just liked being in control of it, and once it became familiar to me, I was almost enjoying the horrible parts of it too. I wasen't trying to kill myself, I just didn't care if I did. I still take quite a bit of shit now, but not in amounts that could kill me or even damage me, different drug aswell.

    All I can do is warn you. Your liver <b>will</b> become fucked eventually, and liver falier is apparently a very horrible and undignified way to go. It's also very painfull. As I'm sure you know, it becomes addictive very quickly, even when you want to live you still "have" to take them, and hope they don't do to much damage.

    It stops helping, and starts to become a very big problem. It seems like your mainly doing it to sleep? There are other ways to get that effect. Prescription meds can (Sometimes) do the trick, and they would be a lot safer, failing that, try some relaxation, or just do a lot of exercise during the day, and tire yourslf out.

    I know that proably none of this will help. And I'm sorry for that. But just know that your not alone in this. If you need/want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.
  4. Loc

    Loc Active Member

    I'm in the same boat as you.I'm trying not to cut,though I don't know why. But then I stopped eating and started taking paracetamol,trying to be sick. It's practically impossible to give up a coping mechanism without getting another.
    I think I'll go back to cutting,better for me
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