I havent seen my father for a week

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by An Angel in Black, Jan 17, 2008.

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  1. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    hi, you dont have to respond, it just feels good talking about it. Well, the last time i saw my father was about a week ago, and thats about the last time we spoke as well. but i couldnt afford school this semester, and i know my dad is gonna really yell at me for it. when he yells i get suicidal and depressed, it was because of his rudeness a week ago i havent talked to him since. im just dredding the day he asks me about my classes. i know it gonna be horrible, i just know it. fortunantly he has been going to work in the morning instead of telecommuting. so i feel fortunate about that, but i dont know what im gonna do. my only choice is to move out, but im not sure if i can do that or not yet, cause i havent told my friends about my fathers abusive attitude, and im not sure if anyone would believe me anyway. he puts on a perfect front most of the time, like he did with my other friend. god i feel hopless..lol
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Angel. You'll have to tell him about your classes at some point and deal with the yelling and screaming that's bound to occur. Parents want their children to do well in school and when they don't, they get upset, because they believe that we have opportunities that they didn't have. Maybe you could tell him about your depression and how it made it difficult for you to be in school?
     
  3. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    at some point or another yes i will, but im trying to avoid it as much as possible. ive been pretty ok and havent really had any suicidal thoughts, seeing as how i havent even talked to him. my depression didnt make it hard to be in school, because i never even talk to anybody, i just go to school and finish. my depression is because of him. thats exactly what he tells me, its for my own good, you have so many oppertunities, etc... and im not telling him about my depression, he tried to have my mom commited, lord knows wtf he will do to me..
     
  4. kitai16

    kitai16 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, but he shouldn't have to put-up with that. If he couldn't afford school, then his dad should be supportive about it and understanding. Not yelling at him for something he can't control.

    I'd agree, but from the sound of his dad; it doesn't seem like he cares what's best for him. I may be wrong, of course (and I hope I am). But he sounds like he doesn't really care.

    Yeah, I'd agree with that as people can't be expected to just know what's going on without you telling them.

    But I can see why that would be hard. Especially harder after what he just explained in his last post.
     
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Angel just wanted to let you know, I'm sorry that you have all this to deal with. No matter what happens or what you decide to do, remember that you have caring and loving friends here that will be there for you no matter what.
     
  6. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    thank you, ive read some of your posts as well, youre a much stronger person than i am. so im glad to have you as my friend ^_^
     
  7. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    kitai, thank you so much for understanding, i know things ar ehard right now, but i wont quit if you dont. friends forever !!! XD
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    If you didn't have the money to pay for school they wouldn't have admitted you anyway so it isn't really your fault. It would be better to tell your dad now rather than dread it for a long time and have him more angry with you for deceiving him so long. Get it out of the way. You shouldn't have to put up with it in the first place. i am sorry he is not more understanding.
     
  9. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    not because i couldnt afford school, but because i have depression episodes and social phobia among other conditions he would have me commited, if im lucky. i didnt know it myself until a couple of years ago when a bunch of stuff came out between my parents and i figure out for the first time in my life i was sick. i didnt know it before then, but i actually figured out it runs in my moms genes, and nearly her whole family had it. i talk and answer myself, think that people, even people i know are trying to hurt me, and show no one my true emotions because i get scared..true, while something like this isnt my fault, i know what my mom went through and i wouldnt even be that strong, i would off myself for sure. but it doesnt matter how long it drags on, he is still going to call me stupid and worthless and a fucking moron and everything else, its only a matter of time, which is why im so scared, but it doesnt matter because ill have my depression episode the next time i see him. i feel honestly like hes going to hit me, or kill me everyime i see him, but i cant help but to think that, even around my best friend i think hes trying to hurt me. i never actually believed my father would hit me but hes threatend me a few times. and my father is not the kind of person to go back on his word. and if he knew i was sick i think he would kill me or something.
     
  10. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    I've had similiar experiences with an uncle and a grandmother. Especially the uncle. I was forced to be around him at times and it was like dealing with a bomb. Constantly trippin on my toes around him, watching every little word not to upset him. But eventually there was always a reason for him to yell at me, and when that happened there was very little to do but to stand there and take all the verbal abuse and admit how worthless I was. Any attemt to put up an argument and perhaps gain an ounce of dignity was a disaster - it only made things 10x worse, made him yell even louder and give that sense that he was just on the very edge of beating me. It was a terrible period and it's really warped me, quite often I space out and go through those sessions in my head and when I snap out of it several minutes have passed.
    Nowadays he's got severe MS tho, and it pleases me a lot. It was just the disease he deserved.

    It must be even worse with a father like that. I guess you have a don't bite the hand that feeds-aspect to it as well, no? I really hope things get better for you.
     
  11. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    actually its about the same as yours, any attempt to stand up for myself just makes it 10X worse and im not sure how to go on, because my life is just 10X worse after he yells at me. I space out to though, or as my dad calls it, day dreaming, but i space out all the time..lol i dont wish anything bad on my father, lord only knows the ive said some horrible things too, and to be honest, i know when i was a kid i wasnt that considerate, although i thought i was. if i could just dissapear without him knowing i would be happy. for the love of god my older sister told me stories of when she was younger, and to be honest i didnt believe her at the time. but recently ive started to see how its all true, he had my other older sister in therapy too. all he does is constantly tell me how worthless i am, and i argue, dont get me wrong. if i didnt argue and yell from time to time then i would cry, which i do after im away from him. but if he finds out im sick he will have me commited i know that much..so im just trying to avoid him until i figure out a way to make things better.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2008
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