I hit it, I'm done.

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by BlondRedHead, Jul 13, 2009.

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  1. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    I've been on a roller coaster for awhile now. Things get bad, then better, then steady, then better, then bad. I've been steady for awhile and it tricked me into thinking things might be alright but I'm going through a huge drop right now and I'm afraid it's so fast and steep I'm not going to be able to pull out of this one. This might be it for me.

    Everyone I know is so self obsessed and wears blinders. I hate being related to and surrounded by stupid people. Harsh thing to say but they don't have any awareness of the universe or anything but themselves and it's hard because everything is, me me me and nothing is about anyone else.

    I care too much about everyone/everything else. The advice I am given is to worry about me and myself alone and I will feel better. I did for awhile, that's why I don't have anyone. Fucken stupid advice.

    Every call I make, every house I stop by, no one answers. No one is around and I am so alone it is crippling. My chest hurts at all times and I have a bad heart so now every night I lay in bed and panic until I finally pass out, that I'm dying. When I am awake I wonder if it would be a release.

    I hurt so bad and I am all alone. I honestly think if I killed myself the only people that would care would be strangers in this forum and family that would use it to get attention. Family that ignored me when I was at my rock bottom or wouldn't pick up the damn phone. I do not know what to do. I don't know how to live and everyone around me is like, disappear already. We don't care.

    I have always been a positive, optimistic person and I'm now seeing that my life is pointless. There is no meaning to any of it and we all die anyway.

    Why not now.
  2. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    Anyone have ANY advice, anything to say?! I am at my edge.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 13, 2009
  3. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Everyone you know is so self obsessed... unfortunately you cannot change who you are related too, but you can choose who you are around. You have to make a choice for yourself, stay with the family that makes you feel this way or find new people that will actually care about you and make you feel good about yourself.

    You certainly need to worry about yourself, but as you have experienced, by not caring about others leaves a void in your life, the trick is to find GOOD people to worry about, that wont turn around and stab you in the back after creating a relationship with them. These people are out there, you just have to find them. It may only be one person at first, but given time you will find those people.

    Nothing I say will change how bad you feel right now, and because of how down you are your brain is going to trick you into thinking your worthless and your life means nothing... but your life does mean something, one day when you are past all of this you will see that. Hope things start changing for you soon :hug:
  4. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    I'll second Mike's suggesstion. There are plenty of people out there, as good and optimistic as you, and just as likely to want companionship and loyalty. I've often found myself in your same scenario and subsequent train of thought.

    You seem like someone whose destiny is to help people. Why not find a dream or goal that in effect combines positive side with something productive; a way to give back in a world that often tempts you with nihilism.
  5. lost@609

    lost@609 Member

    Where you fron Blonderedhead?
  6. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    I am going to school to be a Psychologist (scary I know) and I do want to help people. My problem is I moved about a yr ago and it is so hard ot meet people and a lot of my friends have moved away so all I have are the bipolar family I do have here. How do you make friends at 27? How do I go meet new people?
  7. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    I moved to SoCal 7 years ago and still haven't made a friend. I think your school would be a good place to meet people.
  8. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    I am the youngest person in my classes by like, 20 yrs... not that I have anything against 47 -55 yr old people, just all that's there u know?
  9. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    Is there a psychology society there? Most universities have organizations geared around certain majors and it might be a great way to meet like-minded people.

    Otherwise the only thing I could suggest is joining a gym, volunteer group, or something else along those lines.
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