I'm only really putting this on this forum because any other site I go to, if I were to express these sentiments, everyone would assume I was in imminent danger and go crazy and worried on me. Which isn't at all what I want. Anyway. I do. I hate who I am and who I've become. Not that I was any prize a couple of years ago, but in some ways, I'm even worse now. I'm a self-centered, lazy, shallow bitch, for one. Yes, I am. And I over-justify things just because I want or like them. I manipulate people. I'm not great at it, but I still do it. In short, I am truly a nasty, horrible person. I am also ridiculously over-dependent on the man I love, to the point of acting like a child around him and wanting him to be proud of me. And no wonder he's fed up with all the ways I have hurt him and all of the things I don't get. Even writing this here is self-centered to the point of stupidity. How dare I think myself this important. Honestly. How dare I. Either I need to do a complete overhaul of every single bit of me...or I honestly need to just kill myself. Because this isn't worth it anymore. None of it is. I hate myself. I do not want to be alive anymore and be this person, this way. This spoilt, self-centered, shallow, stupid thing. Who can't ever seem to put herself in his shoes. Or...anyone's shoes? And I think I can help people? Who am I fooling? I'm a leech. I'm a burden. I take and take and do nothing to give. That is all I ever do, no matter how much I want to believe otherwise. It's a foolish hope, pretending I am worth something to people. I was worth something. I have thrown that away. Now all I am is a burden or perhaps, to some, something to fuck. Really, that's about it.