i honestly feel

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by innocencexisxlove, Jan 11, 2010.

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  1. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    as if tonight should be the night... I really honestly, just feel like shit...

    One of my very dear friends attempted a little over a week ago.. I helped
    save her life by calling 911.. the only problem is, she didn't make it... she
    passed over the weekend.. and now i can't help but to have a mix of
    emotions on all this... I feel like the one to blame is me.. if only i had called
    sooner... i also feel some jealousy.. she's now better off than i am.. and
    then there's longing... to be with her again..

    i also can't seem to stop self-harming.. i can't seem to not be alone...
    i feel trapped right here and now.. and this.... it's my ticket home..

    idk. posting here to me, sounds silly. i feel like i'm taking attention away
    from someone else who needs the help more.. idk.. Lynn wanted me to..
    so idk..

    <x3

    Rachel...
     
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    and honestly, maybe, if people weren't so ignorant, it'd be easier to be okay.
     
  3. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Hun I'm sorry :hug:

    I was in the same boat as you. One of my friends attempted and succeeded. I can only send you lots of hugs and I am thinking of you both :hug: xx
     
  4. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    thanks.. i only wish the hugs could fix this....
     
  5. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    that's it.. i just can't take this anymore.. i'm done..

    sorry to waste your time everyone, and let you down..

    <x3 :hug: best of luck
     
  6. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    very difficult time for you, i can see,
    im sorry for the loss of your friend
    but please hang in there

    Pm If You Ever want someone just to listen xx
     
  7. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Keep holding on hun, we all care :)

    PM me if you need anyone to talk to. Thinking of you :hug: xx
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You did all youcould in the end it was the depression that took her life i suffer the same guilt with my brother what if what if what if nothing i can do now he is gone so i understand your emotions but know now it is no ones fault okay the depression won out thats all.
     
  9. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    honestly.. i can't see it that way.. i'm sorry.
     
  10. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I offer hugs :hug: I'm gladly "wasting" my time as it's not wasted.
     
  11. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    i really don't think there's any hope.. and i'm sick of waiting..
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Posting to say.. she is gone to the hospital. Love ya Rach :hug:
     
  13. Robin

    Robin Guest

    When I was feeling my worst I used to imagine the pain I felt as a kind of self martyring, I guess a Christian upbringing can have it's uses :) It got me through the worst although I now just tend not to think of the future at all if I can help it, works much better and without the possible delusional consequences.

    Most of what we fear will happen doesn't happen, sometimes that can be even worse for some as they go to bed knowing that the short sleep they will only be able to get will just yield a day of emotional torment much like the many days before it with no chance of escape. Like the song in Tom Hanks' film, Joe vs the Volcano, "Another day older and Deeper in debt".

    For a lot of folks though it's the fear of a terrible future that cripples us, the trouble with this fear is it often paralyses us to complete the things we should be concentrating on today, things build up and our situations seemingly get worse and every day we go on leaves us with less and less energy.

    Do what you need to do today, breathe, relax when you can and most of all learn to find small pleasures in a big world, humble people don't need a lot to keep them going :) :hug:
     
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