I honestly have no option

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by openingdoors, Dec 28, 2009.

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  1. openingdoors

    openingdoors Member

    The only logical thing to do is kill myself. Over the past few days, I've come to realize how defected I am and how **** my life has been. I'm the most insecure guy on the planet, due to abuse by both my parents, constant bullying and rejection in school, being told I'm worthless my whole life. I've suffered from severe depression and dissociation since the age of 12. EVERYONE runs over me and abuses me to this day, because they can just sense how weak and pathetic I am. There's not a single person in this world who gives a **** about me. I met someone online, who I honestly thought loved me, but what happens? It turns out she was playing me the whole time. Not only that, she rubs it in my face and makes it as painful as possible. It's like people enjoy making me suffer for their own pleasure. I hate myself, the world, and everything in it.

    Give me one good reason not to off myself.
  2. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    You let them win, and everyone knows how weak you truly are by committing such an act.* It will be your legacy in life and in death.

    And no, not everyone who does so is weak, just the instances where they do it because of others.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Screw logic. The only person it really ever seemed to help was Spock in Star Trek. And look at what a social outcast he was!

    A reason....because you have found another option. You are here. You have a place to talk, let it out, be heard. Really heard. And the more you post about yourself and what has brought you to SF, the more options you may find in the advice and support of the members here. They arent just people. They have or are living the same pain you are right now. They do understand. And they arent going to down play your pain or tell you to get over it. They will try to help you through this. You arent alone anymore.

    My guess is that you have been trying so hard to hide your pain from your friends and family. And while you are doing that, it wears you down so much. And there are people out there that can sense that and play on that. It sucks but that is the reality of it all. So now you're down so far that trying to get up feels like a waste of too much energy. So you turn to members here. Dont battle all this by yourself.

    Do you have a therapist or counsellor? Have you even talked to your doctor about all that is happening and how you're feeling? You need to start talking to some sort of professional as well. If not your doc then try calling a crisis line. They are people that will try to help you back up again too. And they can offer so many resources that you wouldnt know about. Or if you like... another option!

    Please dont give up on yourself yet. You are ready to take the most permanent step of all. So what have you got to lose by staying here for a little while longer. Listening to and or reading other members posts and threads. You never know where you might find some hope to help you get by. Please keep posting.
  4. Android

    Android Well-Known Member

    One reason: You came on here, instead of going ahead and just doing it, so you have at least a little hesitation, and that's good.

    If you ever need to talk to someone, pm me :console:

    You're not weak and pathetic, but if you believe you are, others will treat you like it, trust me. Don't let people treat you like shit, because you're not.
  5. openingdoors

    openingdoors Member

    I'm not currently in therapy, nor do I have any friends. My insecurity runs incredibly deep, and I've been isolating myself from society for years now. The way I see it, the only thing I can do besides check out is become a raging narcissist, but I don't want to compromise my moral values, or "give in to the dark side", as it feels. Not that I particularly care about other people; I have to admit I enjoy seeing the lives of people I think superior to me go wrong. I know it's petty, pathetic, and illogical, but I can't control it. It's just the way I am. Yet, something inside of me knows it's wrong and tries to fight against it.

    All I really want is to hit the reset button on life. But that's not a possibility, so the next best thing will have to do.
  6. light...

    light... New Member

    sometimes you can reset in life..and you will..BELIEVE ME.. YOU WILL RESET.. you don't have to end your life..cause that is not a solution..pain does not end at death..pain ends when you start living..
  7. openingdoors

    openingdoors Member

    Yeah...but I don't think I can start living. I'm ugly, extremely insecure, and just plain weird. I feel I can't afford even one relationship since I rely on them so much. It's virtually impossible to trust anyone. I don't know, I'm not feeling particularly suicidal now, just hopeless at the thought of a life alone.

    Thanks so much for the helpful comments guys, they really did stop me from bringing on the end. If it wasn't this forum, I may I have went through with it already. I can't even start to say how much I appreciate the kindness and empathy from the members I've found here. Much love.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 28, 2009
  8. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    wow i have exactly the same life.i know the pain.you are not alone darling :hug:
  9. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    I've got covert narcissism which means I'm a total pathetic loser *and* a **** narcissist who's ashamed of it. Both sides deeply suck and they're just flip sides of each other.
  10. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I'm a total dick too, though I sympathize and feel for depressives like me. That's 50% of the reason I will dispose of myself, because the world hates me, I'm a dick.
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey OD,
    You should block that girl on your computer so you don't have to talk to her again.. If nothing else when she writes you just send her to spam.. Don't bother reading what she wrote because you already know it is going to be hatefull..
    You really need a therapist to teach you coping skills..They do help and they do work..You always have us..You know you can PM any of us if your down and we will help show you support.. Please Take Care!!!
  12. Kath123

    Kath123 Active Member

    For me it's like two thirds of the reason - I think I might be able to tolerate having a horrible life but having a horrible life and being a horrible human being pretty much = no point at all.

    Have you tried to change? I have. I've tried focusing on other people, not being selfish, thinking about their needs. I've prayed to God to make me a better person. But in the end it's all superficial and I can't keep it up.
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