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I hope I'm doing this right. (possibly triggering.)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jeremiah, Jan 15, 2009.

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  1. Jeremiah

    Jeremiah Active Member

    Hi. My name is Jeremiah, I'm 16 years old. I hope I'm doing this introduction thing right. :/
    Without going into extensive detail, for as long as I can remember I've felt like I've never been worthy of other people's attention or concern, so I think posting here is kind of a big step for me. I've never been satisfied with any aspect of myself. I've always hated myself for being ugly and painfully shy, and never accomplishing anything.
    I've been cutting since age 10, when the worst of my problems started. At 14 I attempted suicide by overdose. I ended up in a rehab center for a while, which did help me somewhat. Since then I've started cutting less, as I have picked up drinking and abusing the Valium that's prescribed to me for anxiety and insomnia.
    For years I've had an eating disorder, but I've only recently I've started purging nearly everything I eat. I've lost a lot of weight that way, but I don't feel any better.
    I feel like I'm reverting back to my old ways and thinking about how much easier everyones' lives would be if I wasn't around.

    I've never really had a friend before, and I think that's what I need more that anything. I think I come across as being too desperate, annoying, or creepy because every person I allow myself to become close to ends up ignoring me. I get very worried and anxious if someone doesn't talk to me or reply an email I send to them. I don't know if this is normal. I think I'm a helpful person, and I try to be the best friend I can be, but I always end up alone and feeling rejected. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, or why everyone seems to hate me once they get to know me.

    If anyone wants to contact me...
    msn: dead_astronaut@live.com
    aim: kid poops muffin
    email: naked_trees@yahoo.com
    I've got Facebook, too. If you want to add me on there.
    Thank you!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 16, 2009
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    :welcome: Jeremiah to sf.

    dont be worrying about 'doing this right' its what you want to say and once you've said it then theres no problem.
    i'm sure you'll find people that will help you out here. we have many people that suffer from social phoba, lack of inteaction with people etc. and eat disorders
    hope you find waht you need here
  3. Panos

    Panos Well-Known Member

    Jeremiah welcome my friend. Here we are all friends so you dont have to fear anything.
    I used to have this anxiety feelings as you mentioned with mails texts etc. I was so much in need of a friend that when some1 tried to be my friend i was so attached on him that in the end he felt like i didnt letting him enough air to breathe. i got that right after some years of pushing away many friends...

    have a seat . things are gonna be better :)
  4. Jeremiah

    Jeremiah Active Member

    Wow. I wasn't expecting any replies so soon. Thank you guys so much, it really means a lot to me just to read your kind words. : )
    I've never really come close to completely opening up about my feelings, since I always end up being labeled as being weak or desperate, among other things.
    It feels good just to know other people out there understand.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Jeremiah,
    Welcome to the forum!! I think you will find that many of us suffer from similar problems!! You are not alone here at the forum. When you first start posting here, sometimes it starts out slow because people are dealing with work, or family obligations, or there own problems, etc. etc. Give it time and keep posting, they will start coming around eventually.
    Being in your teen years is really tuff. I can remember always wishing I could just grow up and be an adult so I could do what ever I want. Hell now I wish I was a teen again so I could have a fresh start. Give life a chance the older you get the more things change.
    Abusing your valuim isn't probably the best thing for you. But if it helps you to cope then I won't say anymore about it. I take xanax and from day one I found out It would make me sleepy so I was taking a little more than prescribed so I would sleep. I have sence backed off to where I am suppose to be because I didn't like coming up short at the end of the month.
    Have you thought much about your future? Do you plan on college? That is something you can focus on as a long term goal. Right now you can start by setting yourself acheiveable dailey goals to help you have positive thoughts. They can be anything like I got out of bed no problem, went down and had a good breakfast. I went outside and took a short walk. You see what I mean, your goals can be anything.
    Well take care my friend!!~Joseph~
  6. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    welcome ! i don't think there is a right or wrong way.. just be you as you have been :) i hope you find the help and understanding you need here

    sam x
  7. darkeyes

    darkeyes Well-Known Member

    i think you'll find this site helpful :)
    i'm just a year older than you and can understand and relate to all the problems you're talking about. if you want to talk, send me a pm. :)
  8. HateMeToday

    HateMeToday Active Member

    Ya a lot of us have similar problems, sometimes exactly the same ones, i've talked to a lot of people that have stuff in common with me, you do to i also self harm and feel the way you do about the stuff you said like friends, i have eating problems i wouldn't necessarily say an eating disorder but ya i've just lost 30 pounds in my own little way lol, but you seem nice talk to me any time, i know how you feel.
  9. pensive1981

    pensive1981 Well-Known Member

    Jeremiah, trust me, 16 year olds are never as ugly as they think they are. You'll re-evaluate how you felt right now in your 20s.
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