Hi So I suffer from OCD, Aspergers and early onset Psychosis. (All diagnosed) To be honest I permanently feel like I'm thinking through treacle; I feel no real connection to reality anymore, although I never really have. I have a girlfriend, and you may think that that is something you wish you had but she doesn't love me, she uses me for money and a shoulder to cry on and then makes me promise that I will never talk about my problems to her again. I used to be able to at least trust myself, trust my own brain but thats not true anymore. What with a combination of OCD and early onset Psychosis, I cannot believe anything is honestly true; I don't know if I'm dreaming or if this is just some kind of sick joke. I've said it before and I'll say it again, by 20 I am definite that I will either be dead by my own hands or be locked away. Right now I could use being locked away to be honest, I feel like I want to kill myself and the best bit is on top of that I have a feeling that I want to kill others. Who knows if its my OCD but I know that it won't be long before I snap. I cannot talk to a therapist again, I've done therapy for so long now and I hate every moment of it. It's not just the therapist either, I've seen others and none of them know how to react to me. If I told them of what I was thinking ALL OF THE TIME they would call security and the police in a heartbeat I am nigh on definite, even though they are trained to help the mentally ill they wouldn't be able to comprehend on any level what resides in my brain. I figure if I at least kill myself then that way there is no way I could injure anyone and I wouldn't have to go to therapy. I don't care that it would be painful, I just want a way out. I don't honestly expect anyone to help me with this however; every help forum I post on I end up getting not a single response to almost every single one of my threads, while other threads get multiple replies in the first hour of being up. I don't see why the world has something against me. Fuck the world, fuck everything.