I hurt so many, and destroyed myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, Sep 22, 2007.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    This past week starting sunday Kind of snapped... and went on an angry ranting spree. When look back at this spree I see that I hurt a great many people. Not just the strangers but those close to me. And I am depressed about it now.

    I just lost control... I was just so angry for some reason.... but now it is all falling away. And I see the damage I have done. It hurts me to see that more damage has been done to my friends then the random strangers. I can run around asking for forgiveness... but do I really deserve it? I always take back what I say... and that hurts too because it means I acted without thinking...

    When I think about the damage done I cannot help but think I can't even forgive myself for the pain I caused. :cry: What should I do?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well you put it really well here so I'd apologise to nearest and dearest in exactly the same way :hug:

    Any idea what triggered the rage rampage?
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Stress and lack of sleep... would be the most basic forms of why I went on this rampage.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    They say we always hurt the ones we love most. Your friends should understand if you explain it to them the way you did to us. It may take them awhile to get over it, but they will work through their feelings and forgive you. You must also forgive yourself. Try to think of some strategies to help you stop from doing it again. When we are hurting we tend to lash out. Maybe writing down the feelings, or walking away if you feel the rampage coming. Find something you can say it to instead. Pets understand as long as you don't hurt them. Just some ideas. :hug:
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well I do write down my ideas in my blog. But my friends read my blog and that is how they get hurt :(
  6. amylou

    amylou Well-Known Member

    The saying goes that we always hurt those that we love the most is so very true, God knows how many times I've hurt my nearest and dearest through things I've said and done. We all do it just apolagise put it like you did on here.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Could you create a private blog where you write down those things you know would be hurtful to your friends? One they would not have access to? That way you are getting those feelings out in the open, but no one suffers from them.
  8. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    All you can really do is apologize. Perhaps give a short explanation. They'll either forgive you or they won't. How much damage could you have possibly done, after all? If your friends won't abide a rant here and there, are they really your friends?
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I guess I just feel hypocritical about going back on what I said... and I have always told my friends to not tolerate hypocrites.
  10. I'm your friend and I never noticed any 'rampage'. I think you're being too hard on yourself.

    Its DT by the way.
  11. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Apologizing isn't hypocritical. It's just admitting that you made a mistake. There's nothing negative about that. It takes a strong person to admit they were wrong. Most people appreciate that.
  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I guess it just still feels wrong to me... to say one thing then do the opposite.
  13. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    But you just have to realize that most people don't see it that way. Most people will admire you if you admit that you were wrong.

    See - Most people hate to admit to having been wrong. They will continue to argue long past the point that it's obvious that they're wrong and they get it set in their minds that they're right and everyone else is wrong. And no matter what, they won't admit it. This is just being stubborn and proud. That's something people really don't like.

    Don't be too proud to apologize if you know you were wrong.
  14. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    o_O? Don't be proud to apologize? Wait now I am confuse...
  15. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I confess. So am I. What is it, exactly that you feel is so bad about apologizing? Is it that you think they won't forgive you or is it that you are not forgiving yourself?
  16. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I want to apologize to my friends... yet in taking back what I have said I will feel hypocritical
  17. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Don't say "I take that back". Just say "I'm sorry. I was wrong. If you forgive me, great. If not, I accept that". You can't take it back. It's water under the bridge. But you can try to do better in the future.

    Not saying anything at all will look worse than trying to apologize and make up for it. A hypocrite doesn't believe his own words. You can make mistakes and still believe in your principles.
  18. joyless56

    joyless56 Member

    I see this has gone in a different direction but..is it possible your anger was justified? I mean...bad behavior is never justified....but if you were dealing with a situation not otherwise resolved....might anger have been a logical reaction.

    I think its toxic to deny anger. What it does is turn inward; the feeling that anger is wrong, but wit no other reasonable reaction to deal with what happened, it festers.

    Obviously, I dont' know the circumstances. Your reaction might have been out of proportion. Ok. That's fine. Others here have suggested an apology, and I think that should be enough. In spite of the heat of the moment, and however off the wall you think you were...time has a way of making things fuzzy. Your friends would probably feel a great sense of relief if you apologized or come up with some explanation for your reaction.

    They like you. They want to believe in you. A bit of remorse, and a reasonable explanation will let everyone move on.
  19. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    There is NOTHING hypocritical about changing your mind. Hypocrisy is saying one thing in public and acting a different way in private. If you admit that you were in the wrong, then it is in NO WAY hypocrisy; it is admitting a fault, and we are ALL entitled to that...what you are doing is learning from your experiences and understanding your mistakes, which is so much more than most people will ever do. You can be brave here. Don't pass up this opportunity.
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