I..It's over...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Akita, Oct 14, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    I don't have a choice anymore. Suicide is left as the only option...
    I've been getting worse and worse every day. The memories of all the abuse from my parents and family and also all the times they've tried to kill me will never go away. I have scars on my body that will remind me of those times for the remainder of my life... Everone has always told me that I'm useless, pathetic, worthless, that I should just go kill myself... You know what... they were right. I am all those things. I should just kill myself. Everybody wants me dead so...why haven't I done it already?
    These past years I've gotten to be extremely suicidal. It's all I think about...all day...every day. I think that I'm meant to commit suicide...I really do.
    Something has come up lately. My entire life is ruined. I was living a pointless existence anyways but... What a certain person is doing has gone too far. He wants to ruin my life. He wants me to commit suicide like everyone else. Why? So he can get paid more. Pathetic...
    Nobody knows I'm suicidal right now. Nobody... Last time I told people it ended up backfiring.
    I want to attempt tonight... in the middle of the night. That would be less than one hour from now and anytime after that. That would leave me enough time to die before being found. I'm not going for just some little attempt. This has got to be a huge attempt because my entire life is over if I fail.
    I won't be hurting anyone... This will make them what you call "happy". That's all I've ever wanted. Everyone to be "happy"......
  2. nonethelessjaclyn

    nonethelessjaclyn Well-Known Member

    i don't even know you and if you die, i'll be very sad.
    suicide is never the option. what people say to you is wrong. don't listen to people who put you down, they're not worth your time. find people that will help and support you and overall make you happy. living can be painful, but it can also be pure bliss. you just need to find the right people and everything will get better, i promise.
    and don't let your past haunt you, that's a mistake i made. if you constantly think about all the horrible things that have happened, they just make you feel worse. focus on the positive and always move forward. don't try to forget your past, but try to benefit from it. i know that's weird to hear, but you know about things that nobody knows about. use those feelings twards something positive, like writing music or a book, or even poetry. anything that can get the bad thoughts out of your mind.
    please, just don't kill yourself.
    if you need someone to talk to, i'm here to listen.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope you're still with us akita...please don't listen to those people..they sound like they have huge problems of their own to treat you that way..what they're doing to you is so wrong..
    do you want to talk more about why this certain person is going to make money from your death?
    suicide is not your only choice...keep fighting it and stay and let us help..
  4. kote

    kote Account Closed

    Akita, its never too late.
    i set a date last year and had everything prepared and i couldnt go through with it.
    i was so certain and so set on it all as well.
    now i just have suicidal urges while they come and go in wave highs and lows.
    so please get the rest you need and i wish you the best. please come back to the site and be around like minded people who understand how you feel and how you struggle with each day. we are always here to help and listen and give advice if needed.
    take care and i hope this finds you well!!!
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Akita-Im sorry that you feel this way, Im sorry that you have no support around you. I hope that you made it through the night okay.

    Ever read about brainwashing? I have, and when people tell you things over and over you start to believe them, but that doesnt make them right or doesnt make what they say right.

    How do you feel, how do you want your life to be? If I was you thats what I would shoot for, show these people that have put you down all your life that they are wrong, that they are the ones with the problems.

    Can I ask, why do you say they would make more money if you were gone? Can you tell us about your home life a little more?

    Please come back on and tell us your okay.
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey there,

    I am new here. I hope that you are ok and change your mind about killing yourself. It is never justified to tell someone that they should kill themselves. The people who do these things just want to hurt an easy target.

    Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in the world who respond to their own suffering by trying to hurt other people. I'm guessing that this is why your family and others abused you.

    I think it is important to realize that they did something which is terribly, terribly wrong. You may have gotten negative messages all of your life, but those messages were wrong and came from people who had no right to send them.

    I feel like in large part that people who become suicidal are some of the best people in the world. If you are sensitive and caring, it makes you more vulnerable. Destructive people seek out easy targets, they seek out sensitive people because they want to hurt.

    I want to see the good people win. I want to see the innocent and suffering overcome and make the world a better place.

    I hope that you can pull through this. I love you.
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    oh, btw, it may be strange to hear a total stranger say that they love you, but I guess if I feel that a person is a good person, then I automatically feel love for them. This is especially true when I think a good person has been through something which is really unfair.

    I hope that you will not kill yourself. If you really are planning to make an attempt, I hope that you remember something good or beautiful that gives you the courage to survive.

    There are a million other people in the world who have also been given the same negative messages and abuse. I hope that you can live and let these other people know "ALL OF THE NEGATIVE MESSAGES YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN ARE TOTAL CRAP. ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO ABUSED YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO IT, AND WHAT THEY DID IS TOTALLY SHAMEFUL AND WRONG!!!!!!!!!"
  8. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    I'm still alive unfortunately. I accidentally fell asleep for some reason... I really wish I hadn't fallen asleep. Things just get worse and worse everyday and I can't change that... I don't see myself being here for much longer...
    Anyways, thank you to those that posted.
  9. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    would you consider going into the hospital??
  10. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    I don't have enough money.
  11. Tstan

    Tstan New Member

    You don't have to have money to get treated at the ER if you tell them you are having sucidial thoughts they have to get you help. If you give up now all you will get out of life is the bad there is still good to come.
  12. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    They won't do anything. $500 or you don't even get in the ER, not to mention the bills for actually being in there.
  13. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    No, no, I really don't think you have to pay any money up front to a hospital ER, they are required by law to take you. Where are you? If you are in the states, that is the case. Other places like Canada and Europe they just give you free care.

    You could get bills after the fact, but, sometimes hospitals will offer free care, or, based on your income, you could be eligible for medicaid.

    Please go to the ER rather than killing yourself!

    Even in the worst case scenario where the send you bills, just don't pay them! Sure seems like a better option than being dead.

    Life has been really unfair to you. I think it would be great if now was the begging of your getting to heal and make life better!

    I'm routin' for you bro!
  14. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I am almost 100% sure that you don't have to pay anything up front for emergency care. Also, please call a crisis line, see if they can give you some info about getting care.

    National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
    Phone: 800.273.8255
    Who They Help: Families, concerned individuals
    1-800-273 TALK

    National Suicide Hopeline
    Phone: 800.784.2433
    Who They Help: Families, concerned individuals


    for others

    Akita, you really deserve to have a better life and I hope that you do!
  15. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    It's just that... they don't care about laws where I live. People can do whatever they please and nothing gets done about it.
  16. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    what state are you in? if you call one of the hotlines, they might be able to direct you to a good hospital. they might also be able to give you some back up, so that if a hospital refused to take you, they could put some pressure on them.

    in the us, the er's are required by law to take you regardless of your ability to pay. the hotline may be just the thing you need to help you get to a hospital and get help.

    you can always just call 911. I think that that way a hospital would have to take you.

    have you actually tried going to a hospital er? you might be surprised, they could take you in.

    please call one of the hotlines, I think they could help with this.
  17. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    I suppose it's rather difficult to explain... I really have no options for help...
  18. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    i know it's hard, but can you try to explain? maybe we can help!
  19. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    The phone isn't working right now so that takes out some possibilities. It's also too dangerous to go outside all the time. (You wouldn't believe how bad this place can get.)
    I have been forced to go to councellers when I was younger and all they did was make me worse.
  20. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    yeah, a lot of councilors aren't very good. If you found somebody who was good though, they might be able to help.

    this site has an email address for a suicide hotline


    and the address is jo@samaritans.org

    i think that this may be uk based, so they may refer you to another address, but you might want to try it.

    there might be other email addresses that would be good. I don't know if they would be any more helpful, but maybe?

    please try. maybe you could also send them a link to this thread so they know about the discussion that is going on? and they could pm me too if they wanted to.


    if you had a cell phone, you could call 911 from that, even if the phone didn't have a service plan. all you have to have is a working phone for 911 calls

    wow, so it's dangerous to even go outside? that's scary, sorry it's like that.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.