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I just broke up with my BF

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Sparrow91, Oct 15, 2013.

  1. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I just broke up with my bf... we've been together for years, ups and downs. I wanted to break up awhile back but i kept chickening out, i guess I'm afraid of being alone, wasting time, hurting him. I do love him and i do care for him a lot. He did hurt me in the past but he has really made an effort to change, he has changed he has made a complete turn around, but i just cant do it anymore. I keep thinking i need to explore my options, or just experiment in general. Go and do my own thing. It sounds selfish but its how i feel. I am miserable right now. I had a wonderful person who would do anything for me and i leave him because i want to focus on me, do things on my own, for me. Is that selfish, i feel like such a horrible person for putting him through this he's hurt and ugh but i cant do it anymore! Sometimes i feel like just kissing someone else or just having fun, its just feelings and i feel bad for having them, I don't know why i feel like this. I just want to be free. I have never ever cheated on him, I'm super faithful and did everything right. Sometimes i see my future empty, alone because i want a career that will be more important than my life. Its just easier to be alone i guess. I don't have to worry about anyone else, worry about my self for anyone.
    i feel like self harming but i have been refraining from it lately (14 days), i just don't know how I'm going to deal with this. My sharp looks like my best friend right now.... I'm so lost, lonely, and i fucking hate myself for doing this but i would hate myself if i stayed in a relationship that was just not right for me. I know I'm probably going to end up back with him in a few days, i just don't want too. I don't have a good way of expressing myself i just bottle it up. Idk if I'm looking for advice on here or just to say it to someone anyone, i have no friends really.
  2. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    Hey, just wanted to say a couple things...

    I don't think you're selfish for this. In fact, I commend you for it. Because for one, you did what you felt was best for you and that's very important. The number one person looking out for you is yourself and you need to do what you think is best for you. And for two, it might seem like you hurt him by doing this, and maybe in the short term he will be hurt, but you did right by him for the long term. You realized it just wasn't working and instead of dragging the relationship out, knowing that you weren't fully committed to it, you ended it. It seems to me that you did the right thing for the both of you.

    Also, I'm glad you still haven't SH'd and I hope you can continue to not do it through this hard time you're having. If there's anything I can help with just lemme know.
  3. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I agree I need to look out for myself, I just tend to sabotage myself and maybe that's why I second guess it. I feel like it was the right thing, but he has his own issues and I know it's super damaging to him, I was the only person he could trust or really talk too. It's a lot of weight for me to carry. I guess that makes me feel bad. I know it's good in the long term it's just tough. And confusing.
    I still haven't SH'd I'm glad I guess but frustrating hah. But Thank you matt :hug: really it means a lot.
  4. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    ^It's good that you know you need to. Sometimes people are in denial that it's really themselves who should look out for them and instead just expect everyone else to. There's nothing wrong with relying on other people sometimes but in the end it's ourselves who have our best interests at heart. It's definitely gonna be rough at first, but as long as you honestly feel this was the right decision then it'll get easier.

    ^No problem. :)