I just broke up with my bf... we've been together for years, ups and downs. I wanted to break up awhile back but i kept chickening out, i guess I'm afraid of being alone, wasting time, hurting him. I do love him and i do care for him a lot. He did hurt me in the past but he has really made an effort to change, he has changed he has made a complete turn around, but i just cant do it anymore. I keep thinking i need to explore my options, or just experiment in general. Go and do my own thing. It sounds selfish but its how i feel. I am miserable right now. I had a wonderful person who would do anything for me and i leave him because i want to focus on me, do things on my own, for me. Is that selfish, i feel like such a horrible person for putting him through this he's hurt and ugh but i cant do it anymore! Sometimes i feel like just kissing someone else or just having fun, its just feelings and i feel bad for having them, I don't know why i feel like this. I just want to be free. I have never ever cheated on him, I'm super faithful and did everything right. Sometimes i see my future empty, alone because i want a career that will be more important than my life. Its just easier to be alone i guess. I don't have to worry about anyone else, worry about my self for anyone. i feel like self harming but i have been refraining from it lately (14 days), i just don't know how I'm going to deal with this. My sharp looks like my best friend right now.... I'm so lost, lonely, and i fucking hate myself for doing this but i would hate myself if i stayed in a relationship that was just not right for me. I know I'm probably going to end up back with him in a few days, i just don't want too. I don't have a good way of expressing myself i just bottle it up. Idk if I'm looking for advice on here or just to say it to someone anyone, i have no friends really.