I just can’t take it anymore

I am so alone and have no hope for the future all I have is a crappy part time job at tesco and I could quite happily kill myself just to avoid going there. I talk to a therapist but barely see her after my first few sessions I didn’t see her for 2 months. Then after a few more sessions she had a week off from work and I haven’t seen her for 5 weeks even someone who gets paid to talk to doesn’t want to. I am 18 and haven’t been in school for about a year now and nothings changed. It’s not that I want to die it’s that I am just so alone and thought that I have a whole life ahead of me just makes me want to jump off a cliff. I can feel myself wanting to do it more and more I have tried 3 times to kill myself I have on 2 occasions tried to slit my wrists but could not stand the pain. I have tried to shoot myself with an air rifle but when I did it jammed I couldn’t believe it I thought that only happened in movies. I had a good feeling about that and thought maybe I was supposed to live but that feeling has long gone and now I want to die again.

 

I'm really sorry for the pain you're in,is there anything that makes you happy and do you have anyone at all that you're close to?If you would like to chat anytime my msn is milansteve@yahoo.com.au

 

Have you considered looking for another job? If you could do anything in the world for a job, what would you do? Or what area would you like to work in? You could easily look for a job alongside working at tesco, and then get rid of that job when you have found something better. Killing yourself over something that can easily be changed is not worth it. Tesco is not worth it.

It's good that you have a therapist. Have you contacted her since you last saw her? Or waited for her to contact you? Is she a private therapist? Or and NHS therapist? If she is private, then maybe you should try and find another one, if she is NHS, go back to your doctor, explain the situation and hopefully he will make you a referral to someone more reliable.

I am sure that it is not that she doesn't want to talk to you. Most counsellors don't contact their clients, they wait for the client to contact them, it's all about empowerment and stuff. Also, remember that she is a person and might be ill herself, or something like that.

What were you hoping would change? What could you do to make that change happen?

Maybe it's time you go [back] to your doctor and talk to him/her about how bad you feel. How much support do you receive? They can refer you to a psych or someone that can help you a great deal. Have you tried meds?

loneliness is such an awful feeling. Maybe you could think about joining some support groups, or clubs to meet people with similar problems/interests. That might help you to make some friends and that might help you to feel less alone.

This is terrific. Somewhere inside you you are still fighting and can recognise that maybe you are not meant to die. Try to regain this feeling again if you can.

You might WANT to die, but if you are MEANT to be alive, then that is what you need to try and focus on, the fact that you are meant to be alive, despite what you want.

What do you think could change about life for you to feel better about living?

Hang in there and take care of yourself

 

I guess my only really passion in life is my weight training and constantly trying to get bigger and stronger. It would be a dream come true if I could have a career in that. But something like that would never happen. Everything that I would like to do is to extravagent and can only ever be a dream, which gets me so depressed.

 

Why not try to become a personal trainer? Maybe the gym you work out in has someone who can advise you...that way you are making a good living and doing something close to your fantasy job...just a thought

 

Yeah, I agree with SadEyes, could you work in a gym?

You could also train others up, that kind of thing. Then in your breaks you could train all you wanted and stuff like that

 

I did try that I went to college to study sports and fitness but I just couldn't stand being around the people there because they all rejected and ignored me. It's not like I didn't try and make conversation with them but they just kinda shunned me. During break I would just walk around to kill time but it doesn't really take that long walk around there eventually I went to the library to read and sat somewhere quiet and away from where people could see me and I broke down and cried. I ended up dropping out. I kinda realised that I don't think I would have been happy as a personel trainer. But would much prefer to make a career of competitive bodybuilding but it's just an unachievable dream. I just feel myself creeping close towards the edge and just doing it even just between these last few hours I already feel closer to killing myself.

 

You don't necessarily need to train to work in a gym. I had friends that worked in gyms.

Do you lose anything by looking into it?

I am sorry about the experience that you had before. that must have felt awful

 

What other jobs are there in gyms?

 

Kellerman's gun jammed too.

 

It's a weird experience