I just can't deal

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by chickee, Jul 9, 2009.

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  1. chickee

    chickee Active Member

    Help help help.

    I work in a hospital inpatient and my job is so stressful. I can't take it anymore. I feel like my world is going away and I want to escape. i can't imagine doing this for another 50 years until I retire. I am so stressed. I think I did something that led to an error. I am not sure though but I am worried my boss will reprimand me.

    I have so much anxiety it's overwhelming. panic anxiety and pain are my main things right now. My whole body aches and I'm not sure why (going in for that on Friday)

    please help me. I feel like nothing is working out.
  2. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    hi chickee :hug: welcome to the forum first of all :smile: i hope you find all the help and support you need here!
    i'm sorry your job is so stressful and seems to be getting on top of you :hug: i know how hard it is when you just want to escape something that seems to be taking over your life. do you have someone you can talk to about this? a therapist maybe? that may be a good idea :smile:
    as for the thing you may have done that led to an error, everyone makes mistakes, and they are fixed and forgotten, so you shouldn't worry about it okay :) you can't help making mistakes sometimes, it's human nature. your boss should understand that. and perhaps if you talked to your boss you could do something a little different, with a bit less stress..? that'll do wonders and i'm pretty sure it'll ease the anxiety and achey pains :heart:
    triggs xx
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think you should tell your boss you made an error and it can be rectifide..It will take a load off your shoulders also..Seeing a therapist about how things are piling up on you is good advice..Is there a possibility that you can switch to a different department?? Keep posting here you can let off alot of steam and not be judged for it..
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I think you should definately consider seeing a therapist who'll be able to help you deal with your stress. Perhaps look into a new job or department? Talk to your boss about how you're feeling, they may be able to help you and take some of your workload off your shoulders. :hug:
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Know that you don't have to. And with every resistant thought that comes up and says "but..." ignore it. If where you work is damaging to your state of mind, then what could be worse?
    If you wanna stay with it great, but if not don't let it be the end of the world.

    Take a deep breath.
    You are ok.
    We're here for you
  6. nevertheanswer

    nevertheanswer Active Member

    If that's how you feel about your job then maybe it's not the right one for you. Work shouldn't be detrimental to your body!

    Also, would it be alright for you to share exactly what error you made?
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Chickadee i know the stress of working in a hospital short staffed noise visitors ah ah ah. i suggest you go to your boss and tell him or her the stress you are feeling. Ask if there is anyway you can get a work reduction or have someone buddy up with you for awhile until the stress is relieved. I have made mistakes and have reported it only to let them know that the workload was toheavy and that is why mistakes are made. Now we have extra worker on to help as it was shown the work load was heavy for evryone. Is there a way for you to see a therapist through your work to talk about the stress you are having. I think it would be wise. With support systems in place you may be able to enjoy your job more. Go to your doctor get him to write note to your clinical leader suggesting you have work load reduction for awhile Just thoughts take care but please speak up and don't worry we all make mistakes but one should own up to the error so it can be corrected in the future okay. take care
  8. chickee

    chickee Active Member

    Hi, me again. It was an obscure error and it didn't cause harm but will be on my boss' radar. I upped a dose of insulin and changed the order in the computer medical record system but didn't phone the nurse to tell her that the dose had been upped. She then gave the correct dose but I should have been more vigalent to make sure she didn't give original dose. Very, very obscure and I know that this stuff happens but I know in situations like this people like to place blame on someone. If only I had done X then Y may not have happened.

    I almost overdosed last night and was so close to just saying adios world. Thing is someone called me and we talked for an hour and she just tried to calm me down and get me to go to bed. I did overtake a med but nothing terrible happened. it's like I'm kinda flirting with the idea of ODing but would rather stick my toe in the water first and feel around before I actually jump in.

    I don't want life to be like this and I hate feeling this way. I know there are people out there who care about me and would miss me if I were gone. The thing is is that I am so miserable so often and right now it's hard to see anything changing. My family has distanced themselves from me but I know if they were told I was going to take my life in X number of days they would be fawning over me. Why not just care now? Why do people need extreme circumstances to show they care?

    I have a longtime boyfriend and a handful of friends. I don't know whether my life is as crappy as I feel it is or if my depression is seriously clouding my vision.

    Thanks for listening. This is one of the few places I can actually type and not feel like people are going to rush me to the local psych ward.

    I don't want to die. I just want the pain to cease.
  9. chickee

    chickee Active Member

    I want to stand in the middle of the room and scream I AM NOT OKAY PLEASE HELP ME!!

    I want to tell my family that I am suffering and I can't just snap out of it or toughen up

    I want to be happy or at least neutral

    I want and NEED to feel like I am wanted and worthwhile.
  10. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    :hug: you are wanted and worthwhile - everyone serves a purpose and you are a nurse (i think) therefore you're definitely needed and wanted and so worthwhile - you're in a relationship with a longterm boyfriend - you're a needed and wanted and very worthwhile to him, you have a family, who may not know how to deal with you feeling like this, but to them you are worthwhile, needed and wanted, and your handful of friends - i bet they feel the same too :smile:
    hun, you have so much to live for, and you need to be able to see that yourself :hug: i hope you can begin to believe you really are worth it soon - if you ever need to talk, and i mean it, any time, you can PM me whenever and i'll try my best to help :heart:
    thinking of you xx
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