I just can't do this anymore... Please. I need help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lisa2012, Oct 16, 2012.

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  1. Lisa2012

    Lisa2012 New Member

    Oh God.. Where do I start? Well I guess I'll start by introducing myself. I'm Lisa.. I'm 19 years old and I can actively say I'm done with life. It's not just one thing going on with me, it's several, if one thing starts going ok another one fails severaly. Firstly I've got real bad anxiety. I fear everything, from walking into town to going to College. I feel as if everyone stares at me, makes fun of me, even my friends. Ha. My 'Friends'. I can't be this way anymore! I push people away because I'm scared if I let them too close to me they'll fuck me over like every single person in my life. My family think I'm a screw up. I'm bisexual but I'm edging more on the lesbian side and my family are..real homophobic about it. Anyway, what's made me join this site tonight is that...well. My ex girlfriend. We've been on and off for almost two years now. We'll get together for a few months, she'll cheat and then we'll break up. Every time I promise myself I won't go back, but she knows what buttons to press, she says she loves me, needs me, and I give in. Anyway, I went to see her last night and it was exactly like old times, and I truly felt like maybe she'd changed. And wanted me. Only me. But she hasn't. She wants other people, and I just can't do it anymore. I feel there's a hole inside my chest that just gets bigger everytime I hear her name. She was on my mind constantly last night and I'm afraid to say I self harmed, I cut my wrists and that DAMN hole got bigger and bigger, deeper and darker, tormenting me, making me want to DIE. How can something you love, make you want to die at the same time? But yeah. Everything is just wrong. Or maybe it's me? Maybe I'm the wrong who's just wrong, down to the core. Maybe my time is up. I'm NOT being selfish, I'm just tired, tired of trying, tired of hurting. Death. Its gotta be my only option. I just want this pain of living to end. It's too hard and I don't want it anymore. Not just my ex girlfriend, all of it. I've gotta let go.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun listen to me hun you are 19 and this girl she is using you for her own pleasures and YOU need to walk away you need to let it go YES but you also need to show her that you can be strong and you will move on and find someon new YOU will hun. YOU deserve someone that will be truthful that will be and caring and compassionate
    You want the PAIN to end yes but hun future hold so many paths for you so many ways you can travel The world is more open to all sexuality and you will find your soul mate and thank god the ex you saw her true colors now so you can move on. You need help then you get counciling ok you get therapy you talk to someone outside the family that can guide you that can give you hope and direction It is there hun don't let anyone destroy your dream s hun hugs to you Lisa
     
  3. saiyukicloud

    saiyukicloud Member

    Hello. There is nothing wrong in being who you are. Be proud of yourself for who you are and not what other people want you to be. I understand the feeling that you feel people are mocking your every move. But you have to understand, they can only mock you, but you are the one who will pull yourself up. Cheer up and leave that girl of yours. It would not be easy but at least leaving her you would be doing yourself a favor.

    All the best and don't hurt yourself anymore.
     
  4. KeepOnTrying

    KeepOnTrying Member

    I'm sitting here work and reading your words brings me back to about a year ago when I had a girl break and shatter my heart, and feeling the same, how can somone I love make me feel like I should end it. But I pushed through and yes that is not the full story but I cannot bring myself to share that yet. But you have to keep going because your better than that and you will find people who love u enough to not break ur heart. If u need to talk u can message me or reply and I will listen and try my best to help with. Anything I can
     
  5. Sparky777

    Sparky777 Well-Known Member

    I know what it feels like to think something is truly genuine for once and have it shatter in your face only to prove to you that it wasn't the entire time. The thing is, you need to get away from her, it's going to hurt, and at times you will feel like giving up. But don't. I know that in this very moment you feel as if nothing could go worse than it already has, with depression comes irrationality. It's hard to think clear when you are this low. You have to really think to yourself I mean really think, do you really want to do this? Do you know the repercussions that it will make? It's hard to think about a better way right now but if you truly ask yourself what you are doing and what will happen after you might re-think about your actions. Please don't do it. Don't take your only life away. You don't realize the potential it has. A life.
     
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