Oh God.. Where do I start? Well I guess I'll start by introducing myself. I'm Lisa.. I'm 19 years old and I can actively say I'm done with life. It's not just one thing going on with me, it's several, if one thing starts going ok another one fails severaly. Firstly I've got real bad anxiety. I fear everything, from walking into town to going to College. I feel as if everyone stares at me, makes fun of me, even my friends. Ha. My 'Friends'. I can't be this way anymore! I push people away because I'm scared if I let them too close to me they'll fuck me over like every single person in my life. My family think I'm a screw up. I'm bisexual but I'm edging more on the lesbian side and my family are..real homophobic about it. Anyway, what's made me join this site tonight is that...well. My ex girlfriend. We've been on and off for almost two years now. We'll get together for a few months, she'll cheat and then we'll break up. Every time I promise myself I won't go back, but she knows what buttons to press, she says she loves me, needs me, and I give in. Anyway, I went to see her last night and it was exactly like old times, and I truly felt like maybe she'd changed. And wanted me. Only me. But she hasn't. She wants other people, and I just can't do it anymore. I feel there's a hole inside my chest that just gets bigger everytime I hear her name. She was on my mind constantly last night and I'm afraid to say I self harmed, I cut my wrists and that DAMN hole got bigger and bigger, deeper and darker, tormenting me, making me want to DIE. How can something you love, make you want to die at the same time? But yeah. Everything is just wrong. Or maybe it's me? Maybe I'm the wrong who's just wrong, down to the core. Maybe my time is up. I'm NOT being selfish, I'm just tired, tired of trying, tired of hurting. Death. Its gotta be my only option. I just want this pain of living to end. It's too hard and I don't want it anymore. Not just my ex girlfriend, all of it. I've gotta let go.