I have been married for 25 years and with my husband for 28 years. It's been a very rough marriage the past 10 years. Just recently I lost a job (kindergarten aide) I loved more than anything that kept me going when I couldn't stand the general pressures of life. Now I've come to find out that I have a cyst on my pituitary gland that may have to be surgically removed. In between all of this I come to find out that my husband has been seeing another woman on Friday nights. I found this while looking at cell phone records because my bill was so high and then started seeing the same number on it again and again. At first he told me that it was just a friendship that started because they both had so much in common with problems in their marriages. Now I've come to find out they have kissed. I'm at the lowest point I have ever been in my life. I thought about killing myself when I was a teenager but as horrible as it was it was more of a "I'll show them" attitude. This most recent time I truly thought of ending my life because of the total dispare I feel. I have never been at the lowest point like I am right now. The only thing that keeps me going is that I could never do that to my children. But it's getting harder and harder to get up and face the day. Every time I see the cell phone number pop up on the bill I want to die. I used to love the spring time and gardening more than anything and now I have no initiative to do anything. I cry everyday and have to hide it from my children. Most recently I cried so hard I got a bloody nose. And now I have started to throw up when the crying gets too bad. How do I put a smile on my face and keep going on when I just want to die. The sparkle is gone from my eyes. My face has become harsh and sad. I feel so unwanted, unappreciated, unloved and just plain ugly. Can someone out there please make me feel like I mean something?