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I just can't do this anymore...

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I fucked up. I can't help but feel that way.

I slept with my ex's best friend. It wasn't to get back at him, I was drunk, it just happened. I don't regret it. Yet I didn't want my ex finding out. But everyone knew... I just didn't expect that it'd be my best friend to tell him...
We've been friends for years, I tell her everything. We're there for each other...or so i thought. I told her it wasn't her business to tell him. And she jsut didn't get it. Finally I snapped at her...we havent talked since.

This all seems like pointless drama, but for me its too much.
I've been through too much to coupe with even the smallest things. My dad was abusive. My mom battled leukemia. My grandmother died of cancer days after my birthday...before i got a chance to see her.

I just feel like in my life...i can't seem to get a break. I need a break!

I've never done anything wrong. I've never hurt anyone. I've never done anything illegal. I've been a loyal and honest friend, girlfriend, daughter. So why can't something right happen???

I feel like I have nothing to live for...

But then again I have my family. But they moved away from me. so...

My friends say I'm to self centered...The way I see it. I care about myself. Because no one else does...But I'm done caring...

I just so badly need something good. Something to pick me back up before I fall to far...

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
It is good you look after you hun Keep looking out for you okay Go get some therapy talk to someone it helps Get on some meds even so you don't slip further into depression hugs to you
Don't beat yourself up over sleeping with him as you say you don't regret it, but then you state you fucked up. This is contradictory, I'm guessing you're not happy with all of the drama that has some with you doing that.

If you've been broken up with him for quite some time let's say 6 months or a year+ and like you said it wasn't to get back at him then I don't see that much wrong with it. You're single and it wasn't malice. Sure it added some drama into your life but sometimes that just happens.

I'm sorry about the issues you've had to deal with surrounding your family, you may consider going to therapy or seeing a psychologist if you feel their affecting you.

I really can relate to not being able to catch a break. You can have the most genuine or sincere intentions and everything can just go totally wrong.

Not to call you out but everyone harms others it's just how much and to what degree. We can in many cases harm others without malice intent. So yeah you very may well have not intended to harm others or were malice. I apologize if I'm making you feel bad but I have this thing about being correct about things. :hug:

You do have to care about yourself only you know what's best for you and to make yourself happy.

Try to look at the positive side of things it sounds like you have quite a few friends, I'm guessing like many women you you have a fair amount of options in the dating field as well. Not to downplay your issues or sadness at all but if you can be grateful for what you do have instead of looking at what you don't have that can go a long way. Accept where you are at now in your life don't fight it and it will all be for the better.
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