I just can't do this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PaulK, Jul 12, 2012.

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  1. PaulK

    PaulK Member

    no one cares, if i went missing no one would come looking for me, if i died no one would be at my funeral, no one cares, i don't deserve happiness, i don't deserve love, i don't deserve this life,, no one will ever love me, i am fat and ugly, and annoying. my own worse enemy is myself, i am a failure, i have a degree in film, i wasted two years of my life on it, and it is absolutely useless, i will never find something i love, i will be stuck at the same shitty job for the rest of my life, my soul ripped from me. i am nothing, i am worthless, and that is all anyone thinks of me, i try to be a good person, but why, no one cares. i hate myself, i wish i would just die so i could be off this fucking world, no one would care.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Why do you feel like nobody cares?

    My PM box is always open if you ever want someone to talk to.
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I can hear your pain Paul...want to talk to us a bit more about why you feel this way? :hug:
     
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Paul, sorry to read you are feeling down. My schooling was in film as well. There is a lot you can do with that - for me, it is more of a passion than a desire for career - though it did lead to a career. You can take what you have and do something with it, but you have to desire to succeed. The first person that needs to care about you is yourself. From there, others will definitely follow. None of the things you said above are reasons to not be liked ("annoying" could be, but you can correct that). You deserve whatever you feel that you deserve and when you start to care about yourself, you will deserve to be cared about by others -- and others WILL care. That's a guarantee and promise.
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    This is depression talking, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness etc.
    Go see your doc and get the depression under control, then you will be able to think more clearly what you want from life and how to get it.
     
  6. Lps

    Lps Well-Known Member

    hey Paul! you're definitely not out there alone. soooo many people are sad and for some reason they don't say that honestly. Just TALKING about it is sooooo good to let out some of the pressure. We're all here!
     
  7. PaulK

    PaulK Member

    i am feeling a little better this morning, i have to work a double, hopefully i get my one year review today. thank you to all who responded, anonymous people on the inter net car more than my own mother dose, more than any or my so-called friends, thank you guys. i get off at 8 and i will expand on why these feelings are coming over me in such a way.
     
  8. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Paul good luck with the review.. Your fiest post here said it all very well.. No wasted words and such..caught many of our Attention and caring about you now.. We do care Paul.. Ever tried antidepressant meds.??? Also a good touch of therapy with the rite one might help you some..

    You promised an update soon. Please give us that... Take care, jim
     
  9. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm glad you'll tell us more about what you're going through. Lots of us care, and we'll be here to listen and offer support.
     
  10. PaulK

    PaulK Member

    so i just got home, work was long, i didn't get my review, that won't happen till next week i am told. I currently work at an office supply store, they only pay min wage, and i can barely keep my head above water with all my bills. i have a side job doing what i love, DJing, i specialize in Weddings and parties, but i don't have very many clients, i am still trying to get myself out there. I just have no money to keep food in the house. I don't have health insurance so i don't get and Meds for my depression, but i have been taking 5-HTP and Relora which are OTC meds, they help a little. When i am not working i am alone, my friends work different hours than me so i never really get to see them, not that they really care to see me. I also do film, as before stated, but it is only a hobby right now, no where in this town is there a need for my talents, and i can't afford to move. It is so frustrating, not doing what i feel i am meant to do. I feel alone and out of place, i don't belong here, but i can't escape either. I want things to change but i don't know how to do so. I'll post more soon. (Mods if there is a better place for me to post this can you move the thread to the right place, but if here is fine that is ok with me too)
     
  11. PaulK

    PaulK Member

    So here are my issues:
    I live with my mom
    I don't have any money to make changes in my life
    The last 3 girlfriends i have had have used me and cheated on me
    No one listens to me any more
    I am overweight (this i know can change, so not a real big issue)
    I work at a dead end job, with no positive outlook

    I really am at my wits end, i feel very lost and sometimes even scared, i just don't know what to do about any of this
     
  12. lily_sabbath

    lily_sabbath New Member

    I'm so sorry you feel this way. I have no advice, but I feel exactly the same and if you need to talk to someone you can talk to me.
     
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