Hi all, I have been fighting depression for 30 years now. i have mostly fought it on my own. i can't describe how i feel at the moment, i probably don't need to. I really am at the end of my tether. i'm just so sick of feeling like this, i'm sick of trying to fight it everyday. i have been. 30 years is a long time to be at war with yourself. i don't want to post that i am suicidal. i really don't want to upset anyone. i don't know why i am writing this thread. i don't know anything anymore. my head is constantly trying to hurt me. everyday i try to think of a reason to carry on, it always comes back to the fact that i'm here for others, not myself. that is not good enough for me anymore. I have never really been agorophobic, i'm due to start college in 2 weeks time. the thought terrifies me, i'm supposed to be learning something that i am very passionate about but i don't feel that i can do it. why can't this just go away, leave me alone to get on with life and to be happy.