i just can't shift this feeling

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by stig, Oct 2, 2010.

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  1. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    Hi all, I have been fighting depression for 30 years now. i have mostly fought it on my own. i can't describe how i feel at the moment, i probably don't need to. I really am at the end of my tether. i'm just so sick of feeling like this, i'm sick of trying to fight it everyday. i have been. 30 years is a long time to be at war with yourself. i don't want to post that i am suicidal. i really don't want to upset anyone. i don't know why i am writing this thread. i don't know anything anymore. my head is constantly trying to hurt me. everyday i try to think of a reason to carry on, it always comes back to the fact that i'm here for others, not myself. that is not good enough for me anymore.
    I have never really been agorophobic, i'm due to start college in 2 weeks time. the thought terrifies me, i'm supposed to be learning something that i am very passionate about but i don't feel that i can do it.
    why can't this just go away, leave me alone to get on with life and to be happy.
     
  2. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    Hi Steve, from reading a few of your posts to other people you seem like a very great and caring guy, you seemed to of helped allot of people here, I'm not really too sure with what to say as im not feeling great myself but let people help you who like youve helped them And hopefully you'll feel atleast a little bit better soon! People care about you, stay strong xx
     
  3. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    hi confused. thank you. i have learnt a lot over the years about mental health. how to look after myself etc. i can help others. i just can't help me.
     
  4. confusedgirl

    confusedgirl Well-Known Member

    30years is some time you must have allot of strength in you to fight it for that long, you should be proud its defiently something I don't think i could do! Have u considered seeing anyone? Or meds? X
     
  5. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    stig this wont go away until you find the help you know you want!youre meds are not going to work unless you stop drinking with them,every med you take the effect is being killed off by alcohol therefore doing no good!alot of meds will only work well when drank with water thats why they only give you water for pills in hospital!
    i know youre looking forward to your course but why havnt you finished that car yet so you can get to college!
    you can do it
    YOU WILL DO IT!NOW
     
  6. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    i was coping fairly well up until my g/f left me for drinking too much. 4 months ago. my mood has declined steadily. i am now in crisis. very dangerous for me as i have everything in place to just end it. i have had to get a counsellor because i'm no longer safe. as for meds, the mental health doctors put me onto 40mg olazapine. it left me like a zombie. i only take 5htp.
     
  7. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    as your g/f left you because of your drinking you must know whats happening,give it up you may think your in control but your brain is trying to tell you something find something to give up drinking for.if you do ever finish your car how you gonna be able to drive it?
    do you come from a alcohol background?
     
  8. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    i haven't come from an alcohol background andi. neither of my parents drank. i don't know why i do. just the thought of being without alcohol worries me. even though it is the alcohol that is killing me.
     
  9. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    dont worry bud,alcohol is one of the biggest crutches in the world,but youve gotta find a better one and if you need someone to lean on thats why we have AA just like here theyll buddy you up.someone to talk to when in crisis,think about it please!whats to worrie about doing something drunk or doing something sober i used to spend 10 minutes looking for alcohol in tescos ,now i look for sweets or something differant to eat,wake up sober tomorow smell the fresh air and look to the sky and say bring it on! you cant go on like this time to start walking without a crutch!
     
  10. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    :cry2: thank you my friend.
     
  11. dreams4life

    dreams4life Well-Known Member

    Most students feel the same way when college starts. If you pay close attention, they all feel insecure the first few weeks. You are not alone. If I could survive college, you could too. I did not have any friends there at first.
     
  12. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    thanks dreams. it is the third time of going to college, i'm a mature student. also it's in the woods, i'm training to be a bushcraft instructor.
     
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