I just end up in overwhelming emotional pain every night. I'm in a long-distance ""relationship"" with someone way too ill and fearful to ever actually start a real life with me. They abandon me without warning every single night after promising they're not going to disappear and stop talking to me out of nowhere again. I work nightshift and I'm just so lonely and I barely talk to anybody but them and they keep taking it away from me and triggering me with my worst fear. I feel unwanted and rejected every single night but my self-esteem is way too low to leave and I don't know how to meet people and nobody else will ever want me anyway. They're so good when they're good, but they hurt me every single night. I can't stand it anymore.