I just Can't Stop

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by snootskie, Jan 13, 2013.

  1. snootskie

    snootskie New Member

    I was with my ex boyfriend for 5 years. Things weren't always easy, but we made it work. A girl he was friends with, wanted to be with him the entire time and continuously tried to break us up and I always tried to be the bigger person. I let it go time and time again, but it made me feel awful that he took her side whenever she put me down. I guess maybe I should've known then. She made me feel awful about myself, and among other things was part of the reason I self harmed. He finally told her to back off. Things were good after that, we moved in together and started planning a life together, a future. Or so I thought. I ended up leaving about a year after we moved in together, and listened to him when he told me he wanted to make it work and that this was temporary. 3 weeks later he was dating someone else. I was ok with it , or tried to be. I don't understand how you can move on so fast from someone you love but maybe that's just me. I had some really rough patches but we were friends and that was important to me to keep that up. His new girlfriend didn't like me but he still talked to me every day. I was a little delusional I guess , a part of me still thought we'd work things out. And he still told me he wanted to, but didn't know what to do because he didn't want to hurt his new girlfriend. Finally in the summer I made the decision that I didn't want to be a part of it anymore and told him that I couldn't be around them anymore. He said he didn't want to lose me, and we started hanging out more frequently. We made some bad choices and I didn't want to be that person so I pretty much said it was her or me. Well he broke up with her and I thought things were going well, I naively thought we were on the same page. Maybe not getting back together but I don't know. I never expected what happened next to happen. We decided to just be friends and he said he wanted to work on himself,and figure out his issues and deal with why we broke up. he was going to take a break from relationships. After that he started acting super weird and lying to me. I found out because that friend of his who had tried continously to break us up, had recently broken up with her fiancee to try and get with my ex. Well she did, and I was trying to deal with it we were just friends after all. But I found out I was pregnant. We had agreed before that if it ever happened, we wouldn't keep it. We didn't want to bring a child into our screwed up relationship. He told me he would be there for me, and I asked for him to focus on this, but he didn't he focussed on her and I ended up going through it alone. It didn't matter what he did, I still beleived things would get better and he would turn it around. I still do some days. He hasn't told her what happened, he's pretending it didn't happen, and they've now moved in together after only 3 months.

    Most days I don't want to be here , and I try not to talk to him, but I feel like I can't just walk away, I feel like I'm owed an explanation. I want him to take responsibility for what he's done and how's he's acted and I don't know how to let it go. I just don't know what to do
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun i am sorry he is playing you this way I do hope hun you can just walk away from this guy now I do hope that you find someone who is deserving of your love hun Not him he is not worth it hugs
  3. snootskie

    snootskie New Member

    But even after everything, he's still the one person that knows me better than anyone, I don't know how to just let it go, it feels like he's getting away with it.