I just can't understand self-harming. Maybe this thread doesn't belong in this section of the thread at all. I feel like I am walking into the lion's den. I just want to start off by saying I don't mean to offend or hurt anyone. Things like cutting and self-harm, I just can't seem to wrap my mind around them and why people would do them. Now, I have been suicidal for the last 7 years (joined here August 2005!) and depressed longer than that. But I have never self-harmed nor had the urge to. But, it seems to be maybe those who self-harm are probably actually less depressed than myself? Maybe at least they are letting out some steam by doing such acts. Whereas I have just kept bottling up my depression and letting it fester inside of me until just one day, I will finally go out and make that one and hopefully final attempt. I get this feeling that out of all depressed people, those who don't self-harm may actually be at a higher risk for suicide than those who do, as they have one less way to vent? Maybe its just something I'm pulling out of thin air. Again, I don't mean to offend anyone who does self-harm. I have faced nothing but scorn, mockery, derision, misunderstanding, etc from so many people who cannot fathom my mental anguish and suffering and tell me to just "get over it". Its so incredibly painful to face this depression not only all alone but adding to that with stigma from those around you who should care for you. So, you have no choice but to go at it alone and put on this mask to show the rest of the world you are alright even though you are tearing up inside. Sometimes, the mask will wear out and people can see the pain on my face and ask me what is wrong. But I have to lie and tell them I am ok. What's the use of telling them I am depressed? It will only make them sad and they can't help me get any better so I just have to keep as quiet about it as I can. At the very least, this permanent depression has given me a new look on others who suffer mentally as I do and I can connect and relate to them on a level I just couldn't beforehand. But, I do feel guilty that I still cannot understand the segment of the population who self-harms. I should be able to understand them, I don't want to be like all the other "normal" people who have mocked me over my depression, the uninformed masses who have no idea what its like until you have ridden in our shoes.