I was made to feel bad about something small just a short while ago. Everything I do and say is always wrong. Then I started breaking down crying, yelling about how I want to die, how everyone makes me feel like a burden...no one knows how to deal with these outbursts. I wish I could control them, but I can't, because I just keep everything all inside, as to not bother people, and it just gets to be too much to deal with. I don't care if the neighbors heard me, a third party observer would either think I'm crazy or make fun of me, but my "friends" and family already do that, so what's the difference? I reach out to people and get ignored, even though they have time to talk to other people and do other things. They don't take me seriously, they think it's a joke, I'm sick of this, because the only way I can prove that I'm serious is by killing myself. And I'm crying now, not at the thought of dying, but because people actually dislike me enough now to not care whether I live or die. I'm not really sure what I do wrong, but I'm not this horrible bitch that people make me out to be. I help people all I can, put their needs before my own, and they still demand more, without caring about how I'm feeling. It seems that everywhere I go, my friends talk about me behind my back and turn on me. Apparently, I'm not even immune from that happening here, that's how little I actually matter. If people could see how badly I'm falling apart, maybe they would start to believe me. It's to the point where I can no longer trust anyone, because if those who really seemed to care about me, end up leaving me in my time of need...I must have a very poor sense of judgment. So it's best if I end this, because I see no other reason to stay alive, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know why I'm typing this, if only to let the people who actually do care about me that I can't take it anymore and not be surprised if I just stopped logging in one day. I'm sorry for everything, but I just can't keep on like this.