I just can't

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pirategirl, Mar 9, 2015.

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  1. pirategirl

    pirategirl Active Member

    I've been signed off work to get better. I'm not getting better. I'm getting worse. I can't cope with life any more. Amazingly I can still put on a good face to other people but it's getting harder. I don't want to do this any more. I want to die. I want to stop. Everything is horrible. Nothing is good any more. I have to hang on until I've paid off my overdraft because I can't leave my debts for other people to deal with, but I wish I could do that faster than I am doing now. I need it to happen soon.
  2. IJ (it just is)

    IJ (it just is) Well-Known Member

    i know the feeling, and no one seems to understand why we feel like this, and the fact that people that do know a little - tell us to hold on, and hang in, whats the point when you feel like this. Just know that there are people out there that feel the same, i am here if you wanna chat more.
  3. pirategirl

    pirategirl Active Member

    Thanks for replying... it's nice to know someone's reading...

    Yeah, I get that... people saying hang on. Hanging on is so wearisome. I'm tired of it. I don't want to exist like this any more.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hanging on is tiresome I understand what you are going through.

    But always cling on to that hope that you can and will recover from this.

    I know you are signed off work sick, what help are you getting?
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Some of us have been in that spot before and know the feeling. Just saying life has ups and downs.... Been there myself personally and will tell you it is worth it to hold on to hope even if it doesn't feel like it. Light is there just don't see it yet.
  6. Do you remember the last time you didn't feel like this? How long ago was it and what was different?

    I feel like it comes and goes at times, myself. There are a few things I have found that sometimes help but in the middle of it it really doesn't feel like it's ever going to change.
  7. pirategirl

    pirategirl Active Member

    Thank you all... to be honest, I feel like I have given up on hope. Even if things can be better for a time they always go back down again. This is the third time I've had to be signed off work in a two year period... a year and a bit ago I was hospitalised. I just don't think it's worth it, even for the good times.

    Petal, I am with the Early Intervention (in Psychosis) team... they are aware of my suicidal feelings. I think they think they can help me...

    Repeat Offender, I was better in the summer, but only for a few months and then I went back down again.
  8. bayareagirl

    bayareagirl Well-Known Member

    Sorry Pirategirl, I know it's hard. I just quit my job today because I just can't get it together to go to work. Have been through a partial hospitalization program not that long ago. I try to tell myself that nothing stays the same forever. It's so hard when you feel there's no hope. You're not alone in feeling this but I'm sorry it's so hard.
  9. pirategirl

    pirategirl Active Member

    Thank you, bayareagirl... I'm sorry you're feeling like this too. It's horrible. I just want it to be over. I had to see a nurse today... she just weighed me and took my blood pressure but I had to take my jumper off and she saw my cuts... :(
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